


You Are My Sunshine

by StonefacedVessel



Category: Bandom, Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Anxiety, Band Fic, Depression, Eventual Smut, Fluff, Heartbreak, M/M, Platonic Soulmates, Pre-Band, Romantic Soulmates, Soul Bond, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Soulmates, Telepathic Bond
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-19
Updated: 2017-02-01
Packaged: 2018-07-25 07:40:33
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 33,572
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7524214
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StonefacedVessel/pseuds/StonefacedVessel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Soulmate AU where on your first day of senior year, you register to receive a mark on your skin with your soulmates first name, and a letter in the mail with their full name.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Soulmates Registration

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fanfic, so I apologize for any misgrammars or anything like that. I will try to notify you ahead of time if there will be anything that may trigger someone in a chapter, I apologize if I forget. Also, since this is my first fic, and I have nothing better to do, it will probably be kinda long.

Tyler had never known much about soulmates. He sorta blamed it on his parents, seeing as they clearly did not approve of the whole system. Maybe that was because they had never managed to find their soulmates, which he only knew from the 1 second glance he had managed to get of his mothers marking that clearly did not say his fathers name. He figured that them always being angry and short-fused came from the fact that they never managed to find their perfect companion. From what Tyler had been able to find online (due to quick, discreet, searches he was able to manage on the family computer) he found that it wasn't completely uncommon for people to never find their soulmates, which kinda made sense considering the fact that there are over 7 billion people on the planet. From what he could gather, 1 in every 250th person never found their soulmates, and that, at least to him, was extremely depressing.  

Tyler had grown up in a very conservative, religious, and  _harsh_ household. He knew that when he was older, he had to find his soulmate, even if his parents disapproved of him registering first day of senior year. But he just knew that he couldn't live in a house like he grew up in. He  _needed_ to find love, mainly because he wanted to know what it truly felt like, and looked like. He didn't fully care whether or not his soulmate was a girl. He didn't care if his other half was a guy, or some shit, but he did know that his parents would  _ **not**_ approve of him spending his forever with a guy. That terrified him, because from what he had been able to gather, he was 100% gay. He felt no attraction towards his best-friend and neighbor Jenna, and he had never felt any attraction to any other girl. He had caught himself staring at cute waiters at restaurants, or male life-guards at the beach, but he knew that his parents would disapprove, and when they disapproved of something Tyler usually ended up in tears. So that's why he had decided on his walk to the first day of senior year, that he would not be telling his parents he was registering to find his soulmate, the only person he would tell was Jenna, he couldn't trust anyone else.

-

Josh had been anticipating this moment his whole  _life_. He had seen the love and happiness between his two parents, and it made him fill to the brim with excitement. He grew up asking his parents questions about the registry, and how he would manage to be able to find them. He had learned that on his first day of senior year, he would be able to register to find his soulmate. Once he registered he would receive a mark on his body of his soulmates first name, then within a few days, a letter in the mail of their first and last name, and possibly a phone number if his soulmate was willing to provide that. He learned that if his soulmate didn't register, he would never receive a mark, and neither would they. He also learned that it was possible for his soulmate to live on the opposite side of the world, so because of that he was taking every step to make sure he found his soulmate.He had seen the love between his two parents all his life. Never faltering, and never diminishing. They obviously would fight occasionally, but it was only about stupid stuff and was always forgotten soon enough. 

Josh had barely been able to sleep the night before. He was exploding with excitement and anxiety. He was so happy at the thought of finally finding someone he could love and depend on, but he was also terrified of his soulmate not registering. He was terrified that once they met him they would want nothing to do with him (which did happen, albeit rare, but still a possibility). He was most certainly terrified that he would be one of the unlucky few who's soulmate was not the same age as him. If they weren't a senior this year, then all he would receive was a pitiful letter explaining there was currently no one out there that was perfect for him. That thought sent a shiver running down his spine. He didn't want to think about not having a perfect partner, and thankfully he didn't have to for much longer, because he was already pulling into his schools parking lot, and parking next to his best friend Brendon.

"Hey man, you're here awfully early considering it's a school day and all." Josh teased his infamously tardy friend.

"Yeah, well today's a big day, and it's not like you haven't been preparing since the first grade or anything." Brendon replied right back, adding a playful snort at the end.

"Shuddup." Was all Josh was able to muster. He was to excited to think about coming up with a decent retort, after all he would be registering to meet his soulmate in less than an hour, and that was terrifying and exhilarating at the same time.

-

As Tyler walked into the schools cafeteria right as the bell rang, he immediately searched for a blonde with piercing blue eyes in the sea of all the teenagers. He found her already in line for one of the thirty or so temporary computers that lined the far wall. He knew what they were for. That was were you would enter your name, and all that other stuff that had to do with finding your soulmate that he had never been told about. He quickly walked up to her, putting his hand on her shoulder to signify his presence. She gave him a curt smile in response. He knew that she wasn't in the mood for idle conversation, he knew because he wasn't either, he was way to nervous. He had pondered standing with his basketball team, but if he was being honest he had never liked them very much. He had never liked basketball that much either, but he did it to please his parents, and since he was already such a fuck up in their eyes he figured he may as well stick with basketball if it made them happy.

He had been so lost in his thoughts he hadn't even noticed the lady kindly standing in front of him waiting for a response. Once he saw her he immediately blushed, he cursed himself for being in his head so much, and looked at her with apologetic eyes as he said "I'm sorry, what?"

The stranger laughed and said,"I asked if you were ready?"

"Oh, yeah, I guess." he muttered and followed her to one of the open computers. 

It was kind of a strange computer, there was what looked like a writing pad, and a mouse. There wasn't a keyboard and he immediately looked at the lady in confusion.

"Just follow the steps, and you'll do fine, I promise." She walked away with a reassuring smile, and Tyler hesitantly clicked start. 

 **Hello, Welcome to The Soulmate Registration System. Please Write Your First Name on The Writing Pad in Your Desired Handwriting.** **How Your Name is Written is How it Will Appear on Your Soulmate**

He inhaled sharply, gaining looks from the people at the computers next to him. He hadn't known that his soulmates mark would be in  _his_ handwriting. He shakily grabbed the stylus that was set next to the writing pad and wrote as neatly as he could

**T _y_ ler**

He silently cursed himself as the 'y' came out slightly crooked. He quickly searched the screen for a ' _redo_ ' button, but the screen quickly changed to another command.

**Please Write Full Name on Writing Pad. This Should Include Your First and Last Name.**

***This Will Not Appear on Your Soulmate, But is For Records, and the Letter That Will be Sent to Your Soulmate. The Letter Will _Not_ be in Your Handwriting, But a Standard Font.**

He looked at the screen in confusion. He had never known that his soulmate would receive a letter with his full name, he thought that was kind of a relief, it may make finding them a little easier. He promptly wrote his name and waited for the screen to change again.

**If Desired Provide Your Phone Number For Your Soulmate.**

He quickly wrote that as well, simply to make things easier. Once the screen changed again it informed him that he was all finished, but he needed to take the number that he was given from his computer, and go see the lady at the desk.

He did as he was instructed, and when he arrived to the lady at the desk she politely smiled and asked,"I need your full name, school ID, and the number you received from the computer. This information is for the registry."

Tyler smirked to himself at the rehearsed sounding sentences, but answered with, "Tyler Robert Joseph, my ID is 881201, and the number I received was 217." 

The women simply wrote down the information and put it in a little box, then looked to the next person in line. He figured this was his cue to leave, so he did, then went to wait outside for Jenna to finish so they could walk home together since seniors didn't have class the first day due to how many students there were to register.

-

 Josh was nervously bouncing on his toes. He had been ignoring everything his friends were saying for the past 15 minutes, and he was sure they were annoyed with him at this point. But it was different for him than the rest of them. They all had dated and loved someone before, they knew what it was like to be in love, he didn't. Don't take that the wrong way, he had already had his first kiss and everything, he'd even slept with a couple people, but there was never any fireworks or meaning behind it. He'd never truly had a someone that was  _his_. Maybe it was because to him, it felt wrong, like he shouldn't be dating someone unless he knew they were soulmates, 'cause if they weren't then why grow attached? It may also have something to with the fact that he had never fully tried to figure out his sexuality. He had slept with guys and girls, both seemed fine to him. He didn't care what gender his soulmate was because it was such a stupid thing to worry about, love is love, and that's it.

He had had the opportunity to witness true love first-hand. His friends Pete and Patrick were so invested in each other it was hard to even consider them being with anyone else but each other. He had heard them discussing during the summer whether or not they wanted to register, because if they weren't soulmates, they didn't care, that's how much love they had for each other. He guessed they had decided to risk it though, considering they were standing right in front of him in line, holding hands and murmuring to each other quietly. If he thought about it though, it wasn't much of a risk. Studies  _had_ shown that it is more likely than not that your soulmate lived near you, usually in the same city or town, simply because people who lived in similar areas were able to have more compatibility. He really didn't have a doubt in his mind that Pete and Patrick would end up together.

Behind him stood his 3 other best friends, Brendon, who was a little snarky, and could come across as rude but was truly a lovable and loyal guy, Ashley, better known as Halsey among her friends and was known to be energetic and super deep, and Hayley, who was his childhood friend who he told everything to, she was also full of energy and life and extremely petite with bright orange hair. 

He noticed Pete and Patrick being walked to computers and was surged with another wave of anxiety as he realized he was next. This was it, he was gonna find out who his soulmate was, and as the polite looking lady lead him to his computer he had to try to refrain from screaming with excitement.

He wasn't surprised when he got to the computer, he had done tons of research on registering, and new everything to do by heart. He had even been practicing how he was gonna write his name the whole summer. He had debated writing Josh, what everyone called him, but he had decided on writing  _Joshua_ simply because he liked the way it looked better.

He sat in front of the computer, knee bouncing as he read the screen.

 **Hello, Welcome to The Soulmate Registration System. Please Write Your First Name on Writing Pad in Your Desired Handwriting.** **How Your Name is Written is How it Will Appear on Your Soulmate**

He quickly grabbed the stylus and began writing.

**_j_ **

He frowned, he hadn't meant for the 'j' to be lowercase but he went with it.

**_o_ S**

He scrunched up his eyebrows. He was so nervous he'd written the 's' in capitol, but he figured it could be brushed off since a lowercase and uppercase 's' were practically the same.

**H**

This time he gasped and started to panic. There was no way he could continue now, he might ruin his soulmates mark even more. Since you couldn't redo it for some godforsaken reason, he was stuck with it. He immediately felt awful for his soulmate. He had just branded them with the worst marking ever.

 _**jo** _ **SH**

God he was so stupid. So fucking stupid. His soulmate was gonna hate him before he even met him, but then the screen suddenly changed and he quickly read the next step.

**Please Write Full Name on Writing Pad. This Should Include Your First and Last Name.**

***This Will Not Appear on Your Soulmate, But is For Records, and the Letter That Will be Sent to Your Soulmate. The Letter Will _Not_  be in Your Handwriting, But a Standard Font.**

Not even caring anymore, he quickly scribbled his response and awaited further instruction.

**If Desired Provide Your Phone Number For Your Soulmate.**

This he did carefully, making sure he couldn't mess up his phone number, and once he was done he took his number and practically darted to the desk with the bored-looking lady. He didn't blame her, she had probably delivered her instructions 400 times by now, but he stood there eagerly nonetheless.

"I need your full name, school ID, and the number you received from the computer. This information is for the registry." She delivered in a monotonous voice with a forced smile at the end.

"Joshua William Dun, school ID 880618, number 457." He firmly stated, not wanting her to misinterpret anything.

Once she finished writing everything down, Josh practically skipped out of the cafeteria. He sat in his car waiting for Hayley to come join him. They had decided they would spend the rest of the day together so they wouldn't be alone when they received their marks. Ever since the main part of the registry had been put on the computers, the wait time was drastically reduced, and it was guaranteed that their marks would appear by midnight, and the letters the following morning. This meant that by tomorrow morning Josh would hopefully know the first and last names of his soulmate. He didn't think he could be anymore ecstatic.


	2. Waiting

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I honestly have no idea what I'm doing since this is my first story, I'm kinda just writing about what I would wanna see, so if you have suggestions or advice, please lemme know.
> 
>  
> 
> Also trigger warning to mentions of abuse.

It was around 8:30, and Tyler had told Jenna that she should just sleep over at this point. They had eaten dinner and didn't have to worry about homework or anything so it just made sense that she stayed. His parents didn't mind either, they had been friends for so long that they were like siblings. They found comfort in just being together, silently watching TV in Tyler's room and waiting for their marks to make an appearance on their skin. Usually his parents would never let him use the TV, it was more of a tease than anything, but with a friend over they weren't able to tell him he was a worthless piece of shit that didn't deserve entertainment.

Tyler was abruptly snapped from his thoughts as he heard Jenna speak beside him.

"Do you think it'll hurt?" She just barely whispered. If Tyler had been any farther away he probably wouldn't have heard her. He silently turned to look at her. She was worrying her bottom lip between her teeth, and looked genuinely frightened. He knew he had to reassure her, but also didn't wanna lie.

"I honestly have no idea. I would assume it might a little bit, but I think the pain might be worth it if it means we get to be happy." She simply nodded to what he said and went back to staring absentmindedly at the TV. She didn't notice as Tyler began to worry himself, but that was probably because he had become better than he would care to admit at hiding his emotions. It's how he managed to get a punch to the gut and a kick to his ribs, yet still put on a brave face for his siblings. It's how he managed to hide the abuse from the world. No one, not Jenna or even his siblings, knew that his parents would hit him. But that wasn't what he was trying to hide right now. No, he was trying to hide his insecurities and anxiety.

Truth be told he had never been with anyone before. He had never kissed anyone, never dated anyone, never even held hands with someone in a way that wasn't platonic. He had had to go around school pretending he would make out with girls as parties and shit, but it was never true. He had to uphold his 'jock' image that he hated so much. Jenna knew that he had never done any of these things, but that's cause she was his best friend, and would leave the parties after only being there for 15 minutes with him. She knew that he was really a shy, awkward, and sensitive guy, but he would never admit that to her, and she would never say anything to him, because that's what best friends do, they accept you. He still didn't want her to know how nervous he was, and how he was on the brink of a panic attack just thinking about the possibility of meeting his soulmate and it not going well.

-

Josh had invited Hayley to sleep over that night, which wasn't much of a surprise really. They were practically joined at the hip and had been since they met in    pre-school. Josh's parents pretty much expected Hayley to spend the night at least 3 times a week. But it was 8:30 now, and they didn't really have any more rounds of Zelda left in them, so they decided to re-dye Josh's hair. They would usually do both of their hair in the same day, but Josh hadn't been able to decide on a color when they did Hayley's so they only needed to do Josh's now. He had decided on just re-doing the blue, mainly because he was too indecisive to try to pick another color.

They were in the bathroom, with Josh sat backwards on the toilet, so he was facing the wall, and Hayley standing behind him. She was bleaching his hair before she dyed it when Josh decided it would be a good time to mess with her. She was intently focused on only bleaching the center strip of his hair that was left long, while the rest of his head was cut short, almost like a buzzcut. He waited a second before he slowly reached behind him and then quickly squeezed her knee.

"Wha- Joshua William Dun! I swear to God, I will intentionally mess up your hair if you try to pull anything!" She was glaring at him through the mirror that sat behind the toilet now, and he couldn't help but laugh.

"I'm sorry Hales, but you're threats aren't very convincing. I know you take too much pride in your work to do that." With a grin he slowly started to reach his hand back again, but this time she saw him, and matched his pace by beginning to lower the bleach on the brush towards the side of his head. He looked at her in mock horror, "Okay! Okay, I surrender, just finish bleaching my head already." He said with a pout of impatience. She worked for a few more seconds then wrapped his head in tinfoil so he wouldn't spread the bleach. 

"Done!" Hayley cheered then removed the plastic gloves from her hands and set a timer on her phone. They hadn't spoken about it much, but they both were super anxious about receiving their marks. They didn't know what to think, but they had gathered Josh's three yearbooks from the previous years so once a name popped up on their arm they could look them up and see who it might possibly be.

They sat in the bathroom listening to music and talking about random stuff until the timer rang. Josh promptly washed his hair out while Hayley got to work mixing the dye. They worked in silence, until Josh was done and couldn't take it anymore.

"I did some more research about soulmates." He blurted out. Hayley looked at him, eyebrows raised and trying not to laugh. She always found it funny how excited Josh would get about this topic.

"Oh yeah? Please do tell." She said waving her hands dramatically and drawing out the last word with a snobby accent. He snorted and replied quickly.

"Did you know that where you get your mark is where you first touch your soulmate after getting registered?" She raised her eyebrows in curiosity, silently urging him to go on as she began to apply the dye. "Uhm, so I was reading online that, like, somehow your body has increased nerve receptors in that part of your body until you guys touch. I don't know the science of it or whatever, I mean, it was explained but I didn't really pay attention to that part. Anyway, I guess that in that more concentrated area, is where the mark appears, then once you touch your soulmate it, like, dispels, or some shit, but the mark stays, kinda like a scar." He finished glancing at her while trying not to move his head while she worked.

"So, what if two soulmates first touched like on their faces or something, like, they smacked heads?" She asked, kinda frightened now that hers may end up on her face.

"Well, I mean, I guess it's a possibility, but it said that arms and legs are the most common, because people tend to accidentally brush against each other when they're walking. Oh, also I guess it hurts like a bitch when you first touch, like being scalded or something, and that's how you know it's your soulmate." He finished, and she let out a small "Huh." Then finished with his hair and wrapped it in tin foil. Neither of them said anything else as they waited for the timer to tell them his hair was finished.

-

It was 9:30 now, and Tyler was getting antsy. He was nervous that his mark was gonna come in his sleep or something and scare the shit out of him. He was also nervous that maybe he wasn't worthy of a soulmate and he wasn't gonna receive a mark. It made sense, its not like he was a catch or anything. He was a worthless piece of shit, and he didn't wanna be a burden on anyone, at least that's what his parents always told him, that he was worthless.

Him and Jenna hadn't talked much so he woulda bet money that him screaming "WHAT THE HELL!" and subsequently falling off the bed scared the shit out of her, but she was by his side in an instant.

"Ohmygod! What's wrong!" She asked bending next to him on the floor with a worried look on her face.

"I-I have no idea, I just feel like I was stabbed in my leg. Jesus, it still stings!" He said rubbing his thigh through his jeans. Then something clicked. Their earlier conversation about the marks popping into his head. Before he could think about the fact that Jenna was in the room, he was pulling off his jeans and kicking them to the side.

"Tyler wha-" She stopped abruptly seeing a ' _ **j**_ _'_  inscribed on her friends leg. She covered her mouth with her hand, letting out a sharp gasp as she dropped to the floor next to Tyler. He just sat there eyes wide as a small ' _ **o**_ ' started to appear on his leg. He quickly looked to the clock, wanting to remember the time he received his mark. It read 9:32.

"Holy shit." He murmered to himself, as the next letter appeared. As ' **S** ' started to trace it's way next to the ' _ **o**_ ' he looked in confusion. Why would they write their name lowercase with a capitol s? He didn't have much time to wonder as the stinging intensified again, leaving a ' **H** ' in its wake this time. He stared in adoration, he absolutely loved it. He loved how it was imperfect, and suddenly, the name was the most beautiful word he could imagine. It was his new favorite word, and it was perfect.

' _ **jo**_ **SH** '

He smiled fondly at it until it clicked in his head that he wasn't alone. He snapped his head up to Jenna who was staring at him with a big smile on her face.

"Y-You don't think-You aren't?" He stopped and frowned, then he tried again, "You aren't weirded out that i-it's a b-boys name?" He finally managed. She laughed and knocked him over with a bear hug.

"Of course not you idiot! I don't think I've seen your eyes light up like that in years! I'm so happy for you Ty-Guy!" She gushed the words. She had him pinned to the floor in a bone crushing hug. She was right though, he hadn't been this happy in a long time. And he laughed, squeezing her tighter, and happy with the realization that he was going to be able to find happiness.

They stayed like that for a minute until Tyler shot straight up off the floor, knocking Jenna to the side as he started to pace his floor in a worried panic.

"Oh shit. Oh shit! Oh shit! Oh shit!" He got louder each time, then looked at Jenna, fear in his eyes as he started to shake. He dropped to his knees in front of her. 

"My parents already don't approve of soulmates! They don't even know I fucking registered! What the hell are they gonna think if they find out my soulmate is a fucking dude!" He was sobbing now. His head was in his hands and he looked so helpless it broke Jenna's heart.

"Shhh Tyler, it's okay, okay? Your mark, its on your upper thigh. Your parents will never know, okay? It's gonna be okay, they don't have to find out about it until you're older or something, or if they do you can live with me, okay?" She was rubbing his back in slow circles trying to get hime to breathe before he fell into a full on panic attack. He slowly brought his head out of his hands looking at her through wet eyelashes and hopeful eyes.

"Y-you're right?" He was wavering, trying to calm his sobs, and she laughed.

"Yeah, I know I am." She said with a grin still on her face. He looked down at his thigh and slowly started tracing his fingers around the letters. It sent shockwaves through his body, and he couldn't help but smile again. He was gonna find happiness, after years of being beaten down, he was finally gonna be loved by somebody.

"I should prolly put on pants." He mustered with a small chuckle and she just grinned, "Yeah you probably should."

-

Josh had just stepped in the shower to wash out the dye. He was wearing swim trunks so that Hayley could stay in the bathroom, and they could talk as he washed out his hair. All of the sudden Hayley heard a loud thud come from behind the shower curtain followed by Josh yelling.

"Jesus fucking christ, OW!" He was clutching his leg on the bottom of the tub, and Hayley quickly ripped back the curtain, unsure of what had just happened. She quickly gasped and pointed to his knee as a clear and precise ' **T** ' appeared on the area above his knee. He quickly flattened his leg and pulled his swim shorts up a little bit to see what she was looking at. His mouth formed a small 'o' when he saw the letter. 

"Jesus! Uhm, Hayley! What time is it!" He quickly rushed out. 

"Oh, Uh, OH! Lemme check!" She fumbled trying to pick up her phone. Her hands had turned to butter in the chaos. "Uhhh, hang on, sorry, real sorry! Uh, Oh! It's 9:32!" She practically threw her phone to the floor as Josh exclaimed another cry of pain. She ran to his side, and then quickly looked to his knee. A ' _ **y**_ _'_ had appeared next to the first letter and they both stared dumbfoundedly at it. 

"Holy shit! This is the weirdest thing I've ever seen! Oh my god! It's like I'm being tattooed by a ghost or some shit!" Then he was muttering under his breath, "9:32. 9:32. 9:32. 9:32." He was saying it like a mantra, when in reality he just didn't want to forget. This was fucking monumental after all!

He watched as a neat ' **l** ' came next, followed by a ' **e** ' and an ' **r** '. He let out the breath he hadn't realized he was holding.

' **T _y_ ler**'

He stared at his knee in a stunned awe. The handwriting was nothing like his own. It was neat, and precise, and perfect, and beautiful in every way. He loved his marking with all his heart and he just stared for a moment longer, taking in the serenity of it. He looked to his childhood friend perched on the side of the tub in a stunned silence. At the same time they started laughing and crying, and then they were hugging, and Josh had never been happier in his life. They stayed like that for a couple of minutes still in a stunned silence until Hayley pulled away.

"Tyler. Tyler." He whispered while staring at his knee again. He tried the name on his tongue, and it was instantly his favorite name. It was beautiful and perfect. Then his eyes met Hayley's. He could barely see because his eyes were full of tears again and he whispered, "Tyler. His name is Tyler." Then he was standing up and barreling out of the bathroom and down the stairs into the living room. He was still dripping wet, and his mom started to scold him but was abruptly cut off by Josh.

"Tyler. His name is Tyler! Tyler, Tyler, Tyler!" And he was pulling up his swim trunks, with a huge grin plastered to his face, to show them the perfectly etched handwriting that laid just above his knee.

His mom instantly fell into tears as she rushed over to her son and enveloped him in a hug, his father soon to follow. 

"Baby, oh my sweet baby! Congratulations honey! Oh my! Tyler, it's so, so, so beautiful darling." His mom gently cooed into his ear.

"I can't wait to meet the boy who's gonna make my son the happiest man alive." His dad beamed, and Josh couldn't help but laugh, and then he broke away, and said 'I love yous' and 'goodnights' before dashing up the stairs to him room to find Hayley with last years yearbook open on the floor. He went and plopped down next to her, and she had sticky notes in her hand.

"I'm gonna put a sticky next to every Tyler in our grade so you can get a feel of who it may be." She informed him. He nodded still in too much of a daze to comprehend anything.

-

Tyler and Jenna sat talking and laughing for a good 2 hours. They were talking about everything and nothing, and Jenna swears she had never seen Tyler this happy in his whole life. Tyler had been absentmindedly running his fingers over his mark. He was wearing basketball shorts so that if he rolled them up about halfway his hand could reach the mark, but if his parents walked in, he could quickly hide it.

Tyler didn't know how long he talked, but he started to notice Jenna itching the outside of her left wrist. He eyed her curiously, an inkling as to what was about to happen already on his mind. Then he smirked at her, and she looked at him quizzically.

"What? What's so funny?" She snapped, thinking there was something on her face he wasn't telling her about. His grin immediately doubled at her confusion.

"Check the time." Was all he said, avoiding her question.

"What? It's 10:56. What the hell does tha-OW!" She squeaked and glanced at her wrist. Tyler watched it unfold as the black letters formed on her arm. Starting at the outside of her wrist and stretching 2 inches or so up her arm was a neat, printed name. She yelped and twisted her wrist into view as Tyler watched, the smile on his lips growing wider than he thought imaginable.

" _Hayley_." She breathed, a smile playing at her lips as she looked at her arm in wonder. Tyler immediately tackled her into a bear hug, similar to how she had, and then Jenna was crying and laughing.

"Ohmygod! I couldn't've imagined how you felt before, but now I do, it's like I'm filled to the brim with love and happiness." She sobbed into his shoulder. But he knew that she wasn't crying because she was scared like he had, it was because of the love she felt blossoming in her chest. He knew the feeling all too well, and knew how amazing it was. He couldn't wait till he got his promised letter and could finally know exactly who his  _Josh_ was.

-

Josh and Hayley were still flipping through the year book long after discovering that there were 4 Tylers in their grade. Now they were simply looking at pictures and laughing about how weird everyone looked, even just one year ago. Josh was trying hard to not think about the 4 different Tylers that were in his grade, simply because he knew he would love whatever Tyler it was, even if he didn't know him yet. He was laughing at whatever Hayley had just said when he heard a sharp yelp.

"Jesus christ, my arm!" He looked at her in surprise, and then knowing. He quickly darted to his desk to look at the time.

"It's 10:56. Trust me you're gonna wanna know that!" And then he was scrambling back to Hayley's side. He looked at her in expectation as she tried to twist her arm into view. She was unable to do so and instead read her arm from upside down.

"Jenna!" she screamed. And then she was standing up and jumping up and down in excitement. She was ecstatic and bouncing all over his room. He finally grabbed her arm and looked for himself. Sure enough on the outside of her left arm was a neatly scrawled 'Jenna'. He took his friend into a bear hug, which was kind of difficult considering she was still bouncing up and down, and then quickly grabbed her phone and thrust it at her. She knew exactly what he meant and immediately dialed her mom.

"MOMOHMYGODHERNAMEISJENNA!" She screeched into the phone, and Josh just chuckled to himself, shaking his head at his friend with a toothy grin stuck to his face. As he watched her dance around on the phone with her mom, he danced his fingers across his own mark, shivering at the electricity it sent through his body.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, another update will probably come really soon because I'm impatient and like to write more than I thought I would. If you notice any grammatical errors or anything feel free to tell me. Also sorry this is really slow building right now.  
> Also I was thinking of doing something like they could feel each others emotions, or read each others thoughts or something, so lemme know if you would like that or not.


	3. Second First Day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW for mentions of self harm in the beginning, and mentions of abuse

Tyler had set his alarm for 5:00 in the morning so when the registry service dropped off his letter, he would get it before his parents. Turns out, the alarm had been pointless. It was 4:45 in the morning and he hadn't slept the whole night. He had been under the impression that maybe since he was happy for once, when he went to sleep the nightmares wouldn't come. While he didn't have nightmares, his night consisted of him tossing and turning on his small twin bed as anxiety and nerves kept him wide awake. He felt like he had just drank a whole pack of redbull, and he was fairly certain he hadn't. 

After another 15 minutes of staring at his ceiling he heard the hum of a car outside and he practically darted to his window that overlooked his street, he was pretty sure he had stepped on Jenna, who was sleeping on the floor, but he didn't care. Sure enough, he saw a white car idling infront of his mailbox with the words ' _Matching up soulmates for over 45 years_ ' printed on the side. He contemplated jumping out of his window, simply because it would be quicker, but instead opted for darting down his stairs and out the front door. He had grown so used to tiptoeing around his house so as not to be noticed by his ass of a father that he knew exactly where  **NOT** to step, and he managed to escape the prison that was his house without a single noise. 

When he reached his mailbox he slowly peered into it, finding a letter addressed to ' _Mr Tyler Robert Joseph_ ' and snatched it up quickly. He then decided that since Jenna was still sleeping and lived literally right next door to him, he would get hers for her. Once he had both of the official looking envelopes in his hand, he began scaling the tree that sat on the side of his house. He would have to walk across the roof a bit to reach his room, but it was much more exhilerating than sneakily crawling up the stairs.

As he slid into his room through his window, he was startled by Jenna groggily standing up with a scowl on her face.  "Tyler do you know what time it is!" She whisper-yelled. 

"Yeah it's 5-"

"It's too goddam early, that's what time it is." she cut him off with a huff as she plopped back to the ground. He stood there awkwardly, feeling like he had just been reprimanded by a teacher before he threw the envelope into her lap.

She glared at him again, "Oh, so now you steal my mail too, huh?" She had no fire behind her words, and Tyler simply smirked in response. He walked over to his bed, this time being sure to step  _around_  Jenna on the floor, and stared at the envelope he held in his hands. He wanted to open it, but he didn't want to ruin it. It looked to beautiful and enticing, and he didn't want to destroy the air of officiality that clung to it. He quietly reached to his bedside table and grabbed the small blade he kept under the stacked books, careful not to let Jenna see the small, sharp metal that had a layer of dried blood on its tip.

He quickly used the blade to open the envelope, and set it back in its place. It felt weird to hold the blade, yet to not have a stream of blood flowing across his arm after he grabbed it. He pushed that thought to the back of his head. Today, was going to be a good day, he would hopefully meet the one person who might be able to tolerate his fucked up head. 

He slowly slid the card out of the envelope and read the print.

_**Joshua William Dun** _

The name was followed by a phone number that he quickly plugged into his beat up slide-phone. The name seemed familiar to him.  _Josh Dun_. He felt like he knew it, but was unable to place a face to the name. He went to send the boy a text, but he held back. He didn't want to seem too  _needy_. He didn't want to scare away the one person who might understand him before he even knew the guy. Instead he decided to get ready for school, it was technically his first real day of senior year. That was supposed to be exciting! Right?

-

Josh hated mornings. He loved his sleep and did  **not**  like it to be disrupted. When his stupid alarm clock decided to go off, ruining a perfectly good dream that he would now, never remember, he groaned and shoved his pillow over his head, trying to hide from the blaring noise beside him. Hayley quickly shut the alarm off and dragged him out of the bed. She had waken up early, seeing as she loved to watch the sunrise. She had made sure not to wake Josh up as she had crawled off of his large king-sized bed, to get ready, but now it was 6:30 and he needed to be ready early so she could get her letter from her house.

Josh groaned again, and shot a pointed glare at his friend before stumbling into his bathroom to take a shower. When he pulled off his sweatpants he made a noise of affection towards his new mark and tentatively brushed his hand over it. He looked at his mirror, smiling, and was abruptly surprised at the bright blue that appeared on his head. He had completely forgotten they were dyeing it the night before all the excitement.

As Josh got dressed he made sure to wear his ripped, black, skinny jeans so his knee showed his beloved mark. He wanted everyone to see it, and everyone to know, Josh Dun's soulmate is  _Tyler..._  His smile faltered, Tyler who? He hadn't had time to check the mail yet, so he was still clueless as to who his soulmate truly was. He made his way down the staircase and to the kitchen for breakfast with Hayley following behind him.

"Good morning!" Josh's mom sang as she saw the two walk in. "Josh I think something came for you in the mail, I left it on the counter for you." She teasingly told him. Hayley was too deep into her phone to notice Josh run to the letter and rip it open. His jaw dropped when he saw the name and the following phone number.

**_Tyler Robert Joseph_ **

Josh was in shock. That couldn't be right. Right? Tyler was the best player on his schools basketball team. He was a super jock, who was friends with super dicks, who were all super homophobic. There was no way in HELL that Tyler Joseph was  _his_  soulmate. From what Josh had heard, Tyler was straighter than a board. He was also inarguably the hottest guy at the school, but that was besides the point, because  _Tyler Joseph_  was in no way, shape, or form gay.

His mother looked at him with an incredulous look in her eyes, "Honey, what's wrong? You look like you saw a ghost." Hayley peered at him in confusion from her phone, and Josh put up a fake smile while quickly hiding the letter in his back pocket.

"Yeah, ma, I'm uh-I'm fine. Just nervous I guess." He finished with a nervous laugh, then grabbed his friends arm and dragged her out the door and to his car muttering, "We gotta go. Gunna be late."

Hayley looked at him in surprise. "Uh, Josh? Josh are you alright?" He just nodded and tried to give a reassuring smile. He was sure it was more of a grimace, but didn't say anything in a reply. Hayley didn't push it, she knew Josh well enough to know he would tell her why he was acting strange when he felt comfortable. 

-

Tyler and Jenna were walking to school. Neither of them owned a car, and the bus ride was longer than the walk so they had started walking freshman year. Jenna was rambling on about something that Tyler was paying no attention to. He felt kinda bad, but knew she was used to it. Tyler preferred silence, and she didn't, so she would talk enough for the both of them, and he would get lost in his head. It was like a routine for the walk to school.

Tyler was running through all the faces he could remember that were in his grade. He couldn't think of any Josh's, but then again, he had 1,200 kids in his grade, it's hard to know them all when there's so many. He was running his hand over his jeans, where the mark sat underneath, and suddenly froze, cocking his head to the side in curiosity. Jenna stopped and looked at him. This wasn't unusual behavior, he often got so lost in thought he would stop functioning and Jenna would be forced to 'wake him up'. He never said what he was thinking about, so when he started talking, she jumped back in surprise.

"Why are our marks in different places?" He looked at her but his eyes weren't really focused on her. "I mean, nobody's are, from the few that I have seen on strangers. But, like, why is mine on my thigh and yours is on your forearm? Why those places?" This time he focused on her, and waited for an answer.

"I-I don't know Tyler, I never really thought about it." He nodded his head at her reply and just continued walking. It seemed strange to him, that their marks would appear on such random places. He couldn't get his mind off it till he walked in the schools front doors. Jenna and his lockers were in opposite directions, so he quickly ducked his head and scurried to his locker to make his way to his first class. 

He had memorized his schedule during the summer, so he knew he had to head to his English class. He sat down in the back and looked at the back of all the kids heads while he waited for the bell to ring. He didn't place a Josh to any of them and started to get lost in his head again, he didn't notice the boy with blue hair who was walking in through the door next to a kid who's forehead overtook half of his face.

The teacher started calling names, and Tyler was waiting for his to get called, he didn't wanna look like an idiot on the first day by not responding to his own name. 

"Joshua Dun?" The teacher called, and Tyler's head snapped up so fast he was surprised he didn't give himself whiplash. He frantically searched the room for a hand or  _something_ to signify who Josh was, and his eyes fell on the blue haired boy who started talking.

"Y-yeah, here. And, uh, Josh is fine." He said, and Tyler's heart started beating out of his chest. This boy was beautiful, breathtaking. His hair was a bright blue, it looked like the sky on the sunniest of days. He had dark chocolate brown eyes that were full of happiness, he had small gauges on his ears and his nose was slightly crooked in the middle, making Tyler think he maybe broke it at some point, and it was pierced, and his lips, Tyler got lost looking at them. They were a light pink that stretched to show perfect white teeth as he smiled. He was laughing, probably at a joke his friend said, and his eyes crinkled. He was so happy and full of life that Tyler was distracted and almost missed his name in attendance.

"Tyler Joseph? Tyler Joseph?" There was a hint of annoyance in her tone as she searched the class. 

"Uh, yeah, uh, here." He replied meekly. His cheeks had turned a bright shade of pink  and he quickly looked down into his lap until she moved onto other names. When he looked up, he saw the dark brown eyes watching him, but not with adoration like Tyler had had in his eyes, it was more incredulous, and testing. Tyler smiled weakly before looking back to his lap. He was more nervous now than he had ever been in his life. Why hadn't Josh seemed like he liked Tyler? Did he already hate him? Tyler was panicking in the first class of his first day of senior year, and it had only started 5 minutes ago. Yeah, no wonder Josh already didn't like him, he could probably tell how messed up he was already.

-

 "Tyler Joseph? Tyler Joseph?" Josh immediately forgot whatever it was that Brendon was rambling on about and skimmed his eyes across the class until he saw him. How could he not have noticed he was in the class? He didn't really care how he failed to notice and instead just watched. He watched was a bright crimson spread across his cheeks, and he spoke, letting Josh hear his voice for the first time since learning they were soulmates.

"Uh, yeah, uh, here." He was clearly flustered. Josh had no idea why, but it was really cute. He knew he shouldn't be thinking he was cute already, but he did. He thought that the way his cheeks flushed a bright pink was adorable, and how his hair, that was styled to look like bed head, was impeccably perfect. He looked to his eyes, and found they were the darkest brown imaginable, they looked like a dark lake he could get completely swallowed up, and drowned in. While they were filled with embarrassment right now, he saw something deeper in them, something he didn't know if he could explain. Josh looked from the depths of his eyes down to his perfectly straight nose that lead to full pink lips. He had a small frame, his T-shirt was baggy, and so were his skinny jeans.

Josh started to wonder as to why he was so thin, he played basketball after all, and that should have made him at least a little bigger. His face turned from that of amazement to wonder and skepticism. He didn't even realize it had happened, he was just lost in thought as to why Tyler would possibly be so skinny. Of course it was at that moment that Tyler choose to meet his gaze. Tyler looked back at him with a flash of fear and anxiety crossing his features before he offered a small smile and looked down.

This immediately sent Josh into a panic. Why did Tyler look so nervous and scared? Did he think Josh didn't like him because of his expression? Was he scared  _of_  Josh? Oh no. That was it. Josh immediately convinced himself that Tyler was afraid of him. He didn't know why, but he figured it had to do with the fact that they were soulmates, and he was straight. Oh god. Did he think that Josh was gonna pressure him into a relationship? He knew that there were cases, albeit extremely rare, where soulmates were only best friends and never became anything more. Josh instantly started panicking that Tyler wanted nothing to do with him, at least not in the way  _Josh_  wanted. He figured he must have looked like a lost puppy or something, because Brandon nudged him with a curious look on his face.

"Dude, what's up? You look like you're about to throw up." Josh looked over at him. He couldn't tell Brendon that Tyler  _Joseph_  was his soulmate. Not until he knew how Tyler felt about it. Josh wasnt gonna tell anyone about it until he talked to Tyler. So he gave Brendon his best grin and turned the conversation around. 

"Yeah dude! I'm fine. Now go back to telling me about how your bicep says 'Dallon'." It was easy to get Brendon to leave him alone. Josh felt bad about not listening to a word he said, but he was to busy continually looking back at Tyler, hoping to give him a warm smile or  _something_  to let him know Josh was friendly and not some weird creep.

-

Tyler kept his head down the whole class. It wasn't like they were learning or anything, it was just the introductory, but he would not risk meeting Josh's gaze. He could see him turing around every minute or so to look at him, he didn't dare look up, but he knew.

He had been debating all class whether he would go up and talk to Josh or not, and he was so invested in his thoughts he didn't hear the bell ring. He only noticed class was over when everyone around him was standing up. He immediately started scrambling to gather all of his things, not bothering to look at the people around him. He knew Jenna was in his next class, and then he would have the chance to talk to her about Josh. He had forgotten to tell her his full name, and she had forgotten to open her letter since it was so early.

He began to stand up from his desk when his thigh came into contact with something, knocking him back down. He still hadn't looked up when the pain hit. He felt like someone stabbed his thigh. The pain was immense and immediately brought tears to his eyes. He tried to fight them back as he looked to the person standing in front of him. Well he wasn't exactly standing, he was doubled over clutching his knee. That's when Tyler noticed the bright blue hair. His jaw dropped as he looked at the stunning boy in front of him.

"J-Josh?" Tyler looked at him with hopeful eyes.

"Well they weren't lying when they said it would hurt like a bitch." Josh grumbled, and Tyler's eyebrows knit together in confusion. Josh looked up at Tyler, and saw him full on for the first time. They had never talked before, and neither knew what to say. Tyler still looked confused, and Josh looked dumbfounded, although Tyler had no idea as to why he would be. He cleared his throat and voiced his confusion.

"What do you mean? Who said what would hurt like a bitch?" Tyler was very cautious of what he said. He didn't want to sound too nosy or anything.

"What? OH! Oh, yeah I read this article thing online that said when you and you're soulmate first touch after receiving the marks it hurts, like getting shot." Josh answered like it was supposed to make the most sense in the world, but Tyler's face only scrunched un in confusion. Josh couldn't help but think that he looked adorable like that.

"I-I still don't get it." Tyler muttered, angered at himself for clearly being so stupid.

"Oh, well, you know how the mark appears where you touch your soulmate for the first time after registry, right?" Tyler shook his head and dropped his eyes to look at the floor. He was instantly embarrassed at his lack of knowledge about soulmates, and even more embarrassed he was making an idiot of himself the first time he met Josh.

"Oh, okay. Well, where you get your mark is where you first touch your soulmate, and it's supposed to hurt a lot when it happens. That's kinda the gist of it, but yeah I guess we just proved that." Josh looked down to Tyler with a grin, crinkling his eyes and everything. Tyler couldn't help but smile, and it was a real smile. Not his usual forced smile he used to get people off his back. Tyler was suddenly very aware that he was still sitting in his desk while Josh was standing right next to him, and Tyler immediately shot up out of his desk.

"Uhm, I uh, I'm-" He groaned, he hated when he couldn't get his words out and now he probably looked like an even bigger idiot. "My, uh, My name's Tyler." He said, and automatically put his hand out to shake. Josh chuckled and shook his hand.

"I know. Your name is kinda marked on my knee. I'm Josh, but I'm guessing you already knew that 'cause it's on your...thigh?" He asked

"Uh, yeah, I would show you but, I would kinda have to take my pants off an-"

"Fine by me." Josh said. Then instantly slapped his hand over his mouth when he realized that he actually said that out loud. "OH! Ohmygodi'msososososorry!" Josh rushed. It all came out as one word, and Tyler couldn't help but laugh.

"It's fine, don't worry about it. I was just gonna say that I would show you but we're in school, ya know?" Tyler's cheeks were bright red now, 'cause he just told Josh he would take his pants off for him. "Wait," he said, "I mean, uh-"

He was interrupted by the bell, telling them their second class was starting, yet they hadn't even moved from their first.

"Since we're already late, do you wanna just skip? Go get coffees or something? I can drive." Josh looked at Tyler with so much hope in his eyes, he couldn't say no. Even if he was risking getting in trouble, it would be worth it.

"Uh, yeah. I would like that." Tyler grinned and Josh grinned back, making Tyler all frazzled and his jeans tighten in a way that he was definitely not comfortable with.

-

Josh couldn't help but glimpse at Tyler every few seconds as they were driving towards a local coffee shop. Josh was trying hard to figure out if Tyler just wanted to be friends or was actually interested in him. Josh, was already head-over-heels for the guy. Which sounded pretty pathetic, he knows, it's just Tyler is so adorable, especially when he gets all shy and flustered, God, Josh could just grab his face and shove his lips against his...but he wasn't going to, he needed to talk to Tyler about stuff first.

"Where are we goin-"

"Tylerareyoustraight?" Josh rushed. Then he widened his eyes and looked over at Tyler who had flushed a deep, deep red. "I'm so sorry! Sososo sorry. God, uh, oh god, you, uh, you don't need to answer that, just uh, pretend that didn't happen. I'm sorry, again." Josh was blushing now too. What was he thinking! He had just flat out asked Tyler Joseph if he was straight. What. The. Actual. Fuck.

When Josh looked back over at Tyler to see how angry he was he was surprised to see him quietly chuckling.

"Wha-what's so funny?" Tyler just smiled then turned to Josh.

"You really should pay more attention to the road than me Josh. You wouldn't wanna crash the car on our first  _date_." Tyler was grinning from ear to ear now, and Josh was speechless. "Oh, and you. You're funny. I like when you get nervous and say whatever is on your mind. I like when it all comes out in one word, it's just funny. Oh, and it's cute." Tyler was laughing now at the way Josh had turned a shade of crimson. 

"Oh, uh, okay?" Josh didn't really know what to say. Tyler hadn't answered his question, but  _had_ said they were on a date, and that Josh was cute. Josh was so fucking confused, and Tyler just sat there with a maniacal grin plastered on his face. 

Thankfully Josh was just pulling into the coffee shop's parking lot. He turned off the car and was out before Tyler had even unbuckled his seat belt. Josh rushed around to the other side of the car to get the door for him, and Tyler blushed profusely. He clearly wasn't used to people doing stuff like that for him, so Josh made a mental note to do it as frequently as possible.

They walked into the coffee shop, and immediately Tyler shifted from the quirky comfortable guy he had been in the car, to the nervous kid he was in the classroom. Josh immediately noticed him curl in on himself a little bit, and duck his head. Josh wondered why he got so flustered around people, and why he was so comfortable around him so quickly. He cautiously looked to Tyler, who was reading the coffee board and trying to make himself invisible.

"What can I help you with today?" A perky teenage girl asked Josh, and he smiled, saying he would just have a black coffee.

"Okay, and you sir?" She looked at Tyler and he looked as though he would rather be anywhere else.

"I uhm-could I, uh." He was starting to get flustered again and it was so cute Josh couldn't help but become overwhelmed by the urge to kiss him, but he didn't want to come on too strong, so he settled for the next best thing, holding his hand. He tentatively reached down and slowly interlaced his fingers through his soulmates. Tyler noticeably relaxed and managed to order a black coffee as well. Tyler reached for his wallet, but Josh swatted his hand away.

"I'm paying. My idea, I pay." Then he proceeded to get his wallet and pay. It was kind of a hassle, though, because he refused to let go of Tyler's hand. Keeping their fingers tightly entwined. He couldn't help it, when he was touching Tyler, it was like electricity was being shot up his arm, but not in a painful way, like an addictive way, a 'I never want to let go' kind of way. Josh would have let go if he felt like it was making Tyler uncomfortable, but Tyler was gripping his hand tightly, like a lifeline, so Josh had no intentions of breaking the contact.

They walked to a corner in the back of a cafe. It was a cozy bench-type chair covered in pillows and blankets, like the kinda stuff you see in movies or online. They sat down and neither of them said a word, but their hands stayed entwined, and their thighs were lightly brushing. 

They were both sitting kind of rigidly, and it was kind of awkward, considering they had just met an hour ago, were holding hands and sitting waiting for coffee. Tyler started to shift next to him, and he figured he was just gonna lean back onto the soft pillows, but then he felt a hot breath ghosting across his neck, right next to his ear. He didn't dare move as Tyler spoke in a quiet, husky tone.

"Just thought you should know, I'm totally not straight, after all I do have your name on my thigh." Then Tyler smirked and Josh shivered. His breath had sent goosebumps down his neck and spine as he had spoken. He clearly wasn't done though because his warm breath was still on his neck. Tyler moved closer so his lips were just barely against his skin, and started to speak, "Joshua Du-"

"Two black coffees! Enjoy!" A lady who was way too happy spoke as she handed them their coffees. Josh tried not to look to angrily at her, but he couldn't help it, Tyler had been murmuring into his neck. His neck!

Josh cleared his throat, and Tyler had moved away from him, leaning back into the pillows and cradling his coffee. Josh longed to have Tyler pressed up against him again but he didn't wanna seem desperate so he stayed quiet.

Tyler and Josh drank their coffees while learning random facts about each other, like how they both had three siblings, Tyler's favorite color was blue, and Josh's was red. What Josh didn't know, because Tyler was too embarrassed to tell him, was that Tyler's favorite color had only been blue since that morning when he had seen Josh's hair.

They remained close together, but no part of them was touching anymore.

-

Tyler was in physical pain. Well, not really, but it was close enough. Ever since that lady had come to give them their coffees, all contact had been broken. They weren't holding hands, they weren't sitting close enough that their legs were pressed together, and Tyler's lips were certainly not ghosting across Josh's neck anymore. Tyler didn't really know what had compelled him to do that, it wasn't like he was an extremely outgoing guy, he was usually pretty shy. Maybe it was because they were soulmates. Yeah, that had to be it. Tyler just felt so openly comfortable with Josh, like he had known him his whole life, no, because he wasn't even that comfortable with Jenna who he  _had_ known his whole life. It was like Josh was his other half, yeah, his other half. Like Josh filled all of the holes that were inside of him. 

Tyler couldn't take it anymore, he needed to be touching Josh, but he didn't want to just hold his hand. He wanted to be pressed up against him again, so he did the only thing rational. He sat in his lap. He could tell Josh was surprised because his eyes went wide, and his cheeks went pink, and Tyler could feel his cheeks heating up too, but it felt so much better than being on opposite ends of the bench that they were on. 

He wasn't in like, an extremely sexual position or anything, I mean, they had only met like, 2 hours ago. No, Tyler was sitting on Josh's left leg with his legs splayed across Josh's other leg, and the bench. Josh had already been leaning back, so Tyler had nestled into him, with the side of his head resting on Josh's left shoulder. He could tell Josh didn't want him to move either, because as soon as he sat down, Josh's left arm had wrapped around his shoulders, squeezing him tighter, and holding him in place. His other arm was lazily wrapped around Tyler's hips, and Tyler had never been relaxed, and alive with energy at the same time before, but it was the best feeling in the world.

They probably stayed like that for 15 minutes. Neither of them talking, just breathing in the other. They probably would have stayed like that all night if Josh hadn't realized that it was gonna be his free period at school, so he had work in an hour. They were standing up, not touching anymore, and it made tyler feel empty, but he didn't want to seem too clingy and needy considering he had just practically climbed on the guy.

The drive home was silent, consisting of Tyler providing directions to his house and listening to the radio. It was nice, it was calm. They pulled infront of Tyler's house, a gray two-story building with faded painting, and a dying lawn. It was anything but beautiful, but maybe that was because Tyler knew all of the things that happened in there, and suddenly he didn't want to go in, he didn't want to leave Josh, so he started talking instead.

"You never said where you work?" Tyler turned to face Josh waiting for an answer

"It's just some music place in downtown Columbus." Josh replied, kinda confused as to why Tyler was suddenly very interested in his work.

"Oh, d-do you play an instrument or anything?" Tyler tried not to look too sad as he asked that question. He had always wanted to learn how to play music. He knew the gist of the piano from fooling around on the schools keyboard, but he always wanted to play something, like as a hobby. His parents had never let him though, it was all about basketball, and why would be play an instrument if he was working towards a basketball scholarship? Just didn't make sense, it was stupid, or that's what his Dad had told him.

"Yeah, I play the drums. It's kinda like my second home when I'm behind them I guess. Do you? Play any instruments, I mean?" Josh looked hopeful, and Tyler didn't know what to say. How was he supposed to tell Josh that he wasn't allowed? How was he supposed to tell Josh that his dad had kicked him in the ribs when he had asked to buy a ukulele? He couldn't, so he panicked.

"Uhm, I gotta go. Bye, have fun at work." Before Josh could register what Tyler had said Tyler was out the door and running towards the house. Tyler didn't look back, he didn't wave goodbye, he didn't give him a hug like he had been planning. He just went back into his prison of a house and snuck up the stairs, not keen on anyone hearing he was home before he should have been on a school day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lemme know what you think, and any ideas you guys have. I still have no idea where this gonna go, but I think I will incorporate some sort of a mental bond. Also, thank you for all the wonderful feedback! You all are so kind!!


	4. Freshman Year

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry it took me awhile to update, I couldn't think of a decent direction to take this in. To make up for it, I will probably be updating again tonight.

Tyler's night had passed in a daze. The only thing he thought about was seeing Josh the next day at school. He had shot hoops all afternoon, surpassing the mandatory 500 and nearing 1,000. This had earned him praise from his father, which was extremely rare. To say the least, Tyler was having an awesome day.

He had decided he wouldn't tell anyone about him and Josh until he knew exactly what  _they_ were. He didn't want to have to deal with the consequences of him having a male soulmate until he knew for sure that him and Josh were together. He decided Jenna would be the only person he told. If he told anyone else, he was worried the information would circle back around to his parents, and he didn't need them finding out before he was ready.

He had debated texting Josh, but he had never asked what time he had gotten off of work, and didn't want him to get in trouble. At least, that's what he had told himself all night to keep him from making a fool of himself. He knew he would end up panicking and send a weird or stupid message and end up making things awkward between them.

For the first time in a long time, Tyler fell asleep as soon as his head hit his pillow, and he stayed asleep 'till his alarm clock woke him in the morning. He didn't have any nightmares, from what he could remember, he didn't even dream. He awoke ecstatic that he would be seeing Josh soon. He knew that it was probably pathetic, but seeing Josh is what made Tyler look forward to school.

On his walk to school with Jenna, Tyler strayed from abnormality and participated in the conversation. They both talked about their soulmates, and Tyler learned that Jenna's soulmate was a girl named Hayley Williams. He didn't know her but was excited to meet her nonetheless. Tyler rambled on to Jenna about Josh and told her how comfortable around him he was. Their conversation probably could have continued for hours, but got cut off when they entered the school.

Tyler practically ran to his first class. He wanted to get there before Josh, so that Josh could decide if they would sit next to each other in their English. He didn't want that decision put on him.

He sat down at his desk and stared at the worksheet and book he had been handed upon arrival to the class. He recognized the title, 'The Lord of the Flies', but had no idea what it was about. Tyler noticed someone sit down to his left and slowly turned his head to look at them. A huge grin spread across his face when he saw the familiar splash of blue and perfectly white teeth.

-

Josh walked into class and immediately saw Tyler with his head down, staring at the contents on his desk. Josh figured that Tyler had some sort of a social anxiety from the way he was always so shy around people. Josh knew what it was like, he used to be the same way, but once he had found his drums, it really helped him to open up. Maybe that's what Tyler needed, some sort of an outlet.

He had considered sitting at the front of the class again, but couldn't. He wanted to be as close to Tyler as possible, and if that meant earning a confused glance from Brendon, he was fine with it. He still hadn't told anyone besides his parents, and Hayley, about Tyler. He needed to know if Tyler was comfortable with everything before he went and blabbed to his friends.

He made his way over to the desk next to Tyler's and plopped down. Tyler tentatively raised his head, and a big lopsided grin fell onto his face, displaying his perfectly crooked teeth. Josh flashed him his biggest smile before talking.

"Hi." Josh said, chuckling as Tyler's grin grew even bigger.

"Hey. How was work?"

"It was work, ya know, boring." Josh stated. He had hoped that Tyler would have texted him last night, mainly because he had been too nervous to.

"I was gonna text you, but I didn't know when you got off..." Tyler simply stated, practically reading his mind.

"Oh, well, I don't have work tonight if you would wanna hang out?" Josh looked at Tyler hopefully, praying he didn't think he was coming on too strong.

"Sure, the fair is in town... and it's a Friday night, would you wanna go to that?" Josh had completely forgotten it was Friday, and he thought that was the perfect idea. He went to respond but was beaten by the teacher.

"If you could all turn to the first page, we will be starting to read the first chapter aloud in class, could I have a volunteer to start?" Josh glanced back to Tyler who was now worrying his bottom lip, clearly awaiting a response. 

Josh grabbed a piece of paper from his notebook and quickly scribbled, ' _That sounds awesome. Should I pick you up at 5?'_ and shoved it onto Tyler's desk. He watched as Tyler's face lit up from his note, then quickly nodded his head in approval. Josh immediately got butterflies in his stomach, would this be considered a date? Or was it just two friends hanging out? He supposes he didn't really care, as long as he was with Tyler.

-

Tyler had never been more upset when a bell rang to signify the end of a class. He wanted to scream at the stupid bell to just let the class keep going. Needless to say, he was mad his class with Josh was over. He huffed out of the class, waving goodbye to Josh and headed to his locker. He had to look at his schedule to remember what class to go to, then realized he and Josh had never even compared schedules. He quickly snapshotted a picture and opened up a message with Josh.

**Sent:** _'Hey, it's Tyler. Just realized we never exchanged schedules, here's mine._

_1 attachment'_

**Josh:** _'Sick! heres mine_

_1 attachment'_

**Sent:** _'Woah, so we have 1st, 2nd, and 4th blocks together? That's sick as frick.'_

**Josh:** _'Guess ill see u soon'_

Tyler walked into his second block class and skimmed his eyes across all the faces. Jenna was sitting in the last row, all by herself, smiling at her phone. Tyler walked up to her and dropped into the desk on her left. He beamed at her, brimming with excitement.

"Josh is in this class! You're gonna meet him!" He was practically bouncing up and down in his seat as he talked to her.

"Oh, cool! So is Ha-"

"Hey Ty." Jenna was interrupted by Josh sitting down on the other side of Tyler.

"You must be Josh? I'm, Jenna, Tyler's best friend." Jenna held her hand out to shake and Josh took it, eyeing her a little strange. All of a sudden a familiar looking girl with flaming orange hair sat down next to Jenna. She smiled at Josh and then glared at Tyler.

"Tyler, this is Hayley. Hayley this is Tyl-"

"Yeah, I know who he is." She scoffed. She looked at him again, then looked away. "If you hurt Josh again, I'm gonna kill you."

Tyler looked over to Josh with a questioning look on his face. Josh looked to his desk and wouldn't meet his eyes. "Uhm... I'm sorry, I think you have me confused or something. I've never hurt Josh..." He looked at the girl who was still glaring at him, then looked to Jenna who was squirming uncomfortably in her chair, she also refused to meet his eyes.

"Oh, how lovely, you don't even remember. Well I will enlighten you _Tyler Joseph_." She said his name with a sneer. "Freshman year, behind the gym. You and your little caravan of homophobic basketball players all decided the weird kids with dyed hair needed to be taught being gay was a sin. Remember now?" Tyler turned a sickly shade of green. He did remember, and it wasn't his finest moment. Now he knew why Josh's name was familiar and so was Hayley.

 

_It was after basketball practice, and Tyler was beyond exhausted. He just wanted to go home, and groaned when he saw kids with brightly dyed hair mingling on the bleachers behind the gym. He knew vaguely who these kids where. They were the_ _gay kids, the outcasts in a school raised by religious parents. He knew his friends would have to make a scene. He didn't condone the behavior, but he also couldn't just walk away, he knew his parents would punish him if he did anything that would resemble aiding the 'sinners'._

_He fell to the back of the team, wanting to become invisible. He_ _sympathized with them, all the courage they used to be themselves, and now they were gonna get it thrown back in their faces. He envied the way they could so happily be themselves, maybe thats why he didn't stop his friend when he slurred at him._

_"Hey guys, look at those faggy freaks on_ our _bleachers." Tyler immediately searched the team to find out who was speaking, but he couldn't see very well from the back._

 _"Oh, I didn't know you guys owned the gym_ and _the outside of the school now." A girl with bright pink hair retorted (_ He now knew her as Hayley _)._

_Tyler wanted to walk away, but was frozen to the spot, watching the scene unfold in front of him._

_He watched as the two groups began to spit insults at each other, he watched as the argument became extremely heated. Then all of a sudden, a boy, probably his age was thrown to the ground by the basketball team. He heard the girl with pink hair scream out 'Josh'. That must have been his name. Then the group parted to reveal Tyler, and he realized he was being spoken to.  
_

_"Tyler, you wanna do the honors of knocking this fags' lights out?" Tyler stood there in shock. He felt like a deer caught in the headlights. He knew that his basketball team all looked to him like their idol. It was because he was freshman, and already the best on the whole team. He stood there, unsure of what to do, until he cleared his throat._

_"Uh. Nah, man. They aren't worth it." He genuinely didn't want him to get hurt, but it's not like he could try and protect him. Word would spread back to his parents and he would get punished. He_ hated  _getting punished._

 _"Whatever." The guy who was on top of the kid named Josh muttered. He went to get off him, and a sigh of relief passed through Tyler. Then he heard a loud_ crack _and looked in horror at Josh's face. His nose was gushing blood, and was definitely broken. His teammate sneered at the girl then got up and walked away. Tyler tried to look at the girl, apologetically, but she just glared at him, seething with rage as she ran to aid her friend._

 

Tyler looked back over to Josh in horror. How could he have not remembered that. Maybe he had shut it out or something, but  _still_. Why hadn't Josh said anything to him, why had he seemed like he had forgotten about it.

"It was a long time ago, Hayley. It's over, it doesn't matter anymore." Josh quietly muttered, still looking at his desk. Tyler stood up sharply, knocking his seat back onto the floor.

"Like hell it doesn't matter! Why didn't you say anything!" Tyler was practically screaming at Josh. Tears were silently streaming down his face. Tyler abruptly ran from the classroom. He was ashamed of himself. He was ashamed that he had been too much of a coward to stick up for what he thought was right. He was ashamed  _he_ was the reason for Josh's beautifully crooked nose. Most importantly, he was ashamed he had forgotten such a thing, that he had never apologized to Josh.

Tyler crumbled onto the floor. He was in an empty hallway by the stage. He started sobbing into his hands. He was such a fuck up, he had ruined his relationship with his soulmate before he even knew him. Why had Josh even wanted to talk to him? Had he been planning on humiliating him like Tyler had those few years ago? Tyler definitely deserved it, that was for sure.

-

Josh shot a glare at Hayley while he stood up to go chase Tyler. 

"You just  _had_ to bring that up, didn't you?" She looked at him with a trembling fear, like she was gonna start crying.

"You were bleeding, Josh! Your nose was broken, and you were bleeding!" He shook his head at her and ran out after Tyler. He knew the general direction of where he went, but didn't know where he was exactly. He started to hear gut-wrenching sobs, and his heart broke. He knew it was Tyler crying, so he followed the noise.

He found him curled in a fetal position in a deserted hallway. He was shaking and sobbing. Josh hated that Hayley had brought that up in such an awful way. He had been planning on talking to him about it, but only once their relationship was solidified, and he knew Tyler wouldn't freak. He had figured he didn't remember the incident when they first met. He had been so cluelessly happy and oblivious. He didn't recognize Josh, and Josh had been ok with that.

"Hey, Ty, please stop crying. It's ok." Tyler slid away on the floor at the sound of his voice. He looked at him like he wasn't even there.

"How can you say that? How can you possibly say that? I'm an asshole, Josh. You deserve so much better. You should just go." Tyler was glaring at him. Josh could tell Tyler was trying to get Josh to hate him, but he wouldn't have it. He sat down next to Tyler and gingerly put his hand down on his shoulder.

"Tyler, you're being ridiculous, it wasn't even you. It was that other kid. Besides, I forgave and forgot a long time ago." Tyler shrugged his hand of of his shoulder and scooted away. 

"I could have stopped it! Don't you get that! I could have told them to stop and they would have. I was being selfish, I was only thinking about not wanting to get punished!" Tyler was screaming at him now. He wasn't crying anymore, but he was still shaking. He looked at Josh like he hated him, but Josh could see the fear  and sadness in his eyes.

"What do you mean,  _punished_?" He just wanted to keep Tyler talking, keep him here until he could calm down, and see how Josh didn't blame him.

"By my parents." He spat, "And it's none of your business! Why can't you just hate me? It would make things so much easier if you would just hate me like I hate myself! All I do is fuck things up! Why can't you get that through your head? I'm a fuck up, and I ruin things, it's better if you just hate me now so it doesn't hurt as bad later!" Tyler was standing now. He was yelling down at Josh, and Josh just stared up at him. He didn't know what to do, he could see in Tyler's eyes how much he hated doing this, how he was trying so hard to not break down. Josh reached his hand out to him, pleading, and Tyler scoffed and walked back towards the class.

Josh sat there in a stunned silence, unsure of what to do. He couldn't get Tyler's words out of his head. The 'hate me like I hate myself' part in particular. He couldn't understand how someone who was so perfect and kind, could think so lowly of themselves.

-

Tyler was trying his damnedest to not start crying while he was screaming at Josh. He didn't want Josh to forgive him, he wanted Josh to hate him. He needed Josh to hate him. He needed Josh to never want to see him again. He didn't understand why he wasn't angry, why he wasn't yelling back at him, but he was too upset to care. He had to get Josh to hate him so he couldn't hurt him again. He knew he would, because that's what he does, he fucks things up, no matter how good they are for him.

When he turned to leave Josh in that hallway, a small part of him hoped Josh would run after him. But he didn't, and he knew he deserved that. He deserved to be alone. His stomach dropped when he realized he had to go back to class. He couldn't afford to miss 2 days in a row. 

He walked back in with his head down, and sat next to Jenna, to his relief Josh hadn't come back yet. The class also hadn't started, the teacher was running late or something. Jenna looked at him with sad eyes, but he just buried his head in his arms on his desk, he couldn't face the world right now.

Tyler heard when Josh sat back down next to him, but didn't pull his head out of his arms. He felt when Josh put his hand on his shoulder, but he just recoiled from his touch. He heard when Josh whispered, "I could never hate you, and I will make damn sure you stop hating yourself." but he didn't respond. He just kept his head buried and blocked everything out.

At the end of class, was lunch, and he was worried Josh would try to sit with him so he went and sat with the basketball team, he knew Josh wouldn't go near them, and for once he was glad for his asshole teammates.

-

Josh looked sadly over to Tyler sitting at the basketball table. Him, Jenna, and Hayley all sat together a few tables away. He could see Tyler wasn't enjoying himself, ignoring everyone there, and flinching when they said something he probably didn't agree with.

"He never sits with them, not if he can avoid it. He truly despises them and how they are." Jenna whispered. She looked to Josh, eyes full of despair.

"He's trying to push me away. Get me to hate him." He muttered back. He couldn't stand sitting in that crappy lunch room anymore, so he got up and left. He pretended he didn't notice as Tyler watched him walk out.

His next class was band, and for that he was thankful. The band room had a soundproofed closet-type room that held a set of drums. He needed the solace of his drums, he needed their constant companionship. He knew his teacher didn't care if he spent the whole period on them, as long as he was playing an instrument, his teacher was happy.

He played until his knuckles bled, and then he played some more. He knew he had to talk to Tyler, but that wasn't gonna happen, not in school. He decided he was still gonna take him to the fair, maybe then he could get him to talk. He didn't know how he would get him to come with him, but he would figure it out. 

He was on his way to his final class of the day when he remembered he shared it with Tyler. He immediately slowed his pace down, hoping to get there after him, so he could sit next to him. His heart dropped when he there was a seating chart on the board. He went up and searched for his name. He found it, next to a **T. Joseph** and thanked his luck.

He watched as Tyler walked into the class, right on the bell and read the seating chart. He watched as Tyler's face paled when he turned around to look at Josh. He watched as his soulmate sulked over to his seat. 

"You know you can't just push me away." Josh said to him. Tyler turned to face him. He looked a lot less angry, and for that Josh was thankful. 

"Do I need to go ask to get my seat switched, or can you leave me alone?" Tyler was still staring at him. his face was blank, like he had built a wall to keep everyone out.

"Fine, but just thought you should know, I'm still coming to get you at 5. If you don't answer your door, I will personally come in and drag you out. Okay?" Tyler stared at him, a sliver of emotion cracking through his cold exterior. It was almost like hope, but more desperate, and it made Josh smile to see Tyler still wanted Josh. Still wanted his company. 

Tyler turned to face the teacher and Josh barely heard him mutter, "Whatever."

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave feedback, and any suggestions you have. Your response to the story have been amazing!


	5. The Fair

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this chapter is mainly in Tyler's perspective, no idea why, just felt right to have it from his eyes...ish, cause its like a third person, idk my perspectives are confusing.

Tyler couldn't decide what would be worse, Josh showing up to take him to the fair or Josh ditching him. When he saw Josh pull into his driveway, he decided the first was worse, because now he clearly had to get Josh to hate him, and he hated doing that. He hated the pained expression on Josh's face as he screamed at him.

Tyler opened his front door and sulked down the steps towards Josh's car. Josh was holding the passenger door open for him, and Tyler just scowled. He didn't need Josh to be perfectly polite to him, it just made everything harder. He refused to look at him as Josh got into the drivers seat and started the car, pulling it out of the driveway. Tyler reached to turn on the radio, but Josh slapped his hand away.

"Oh no. You do not get to listen to music until you talk to me, and I will get you to talk to me." Josh said to him. Tyler just scowled and looked out the window.

"I thought you should know, I never blamed you. It wasn't your fault they were being dicks, if anything it was the way they were raised." Josh glimpsed at Tyler, so he gave him his best glare.

"I was raised the same way, if not worse," Tyler stated, "and I don't give a damn if you didn't blame me, because it was my fault, I was being selfish." He was fighting tears now. He refused to let himself breakdown in front of Josh again, especially when he was trying to push him away. Why couldn't Josh see that Tyler was no good for him, or for anyone.

"Yeah, you said that earlier, you said you would have gotten punished by your parents." He couldn't tell if Josh had asked a question, or stated a fact. He didn't really know how to respond, but when Josh looked at him expectantly, he figured Josh wanted elaboration.

"They are super religious, if they had known I was helping the 'sinners' they would have had no choice but to punish me, to teach me a lesson, for my own good." Tyler had put air quotes around the word sinner, but figured Josh hadn't seen by the way he looked at him in complete horror.

"You-You don't-You can't-You don't think _we_ are sinning right?" Tyler looked at Josh incredulously. He didn't know what he thought, he had been taught his whole life being gay was wrong, an abomination. Yet, if it was an abomination, why the hell would Tyler and Josh be soulmates. Why would their souls be connected if it was wrong? Tyler just shrugged, and he could see the hurt that flashed across Josh's face.

"Ok, that's something for another time. I want you to know that I don't hate you, okay? I don't want you beating yourself up over something that happened such a long time ago, something that wasn't in your control. If I remember correctly, and I know I do, you tried to stick up for me, you told them to leave me alone." Tyler just shrugged again at Josh's words. Then he saw the, 'Thanks for visiting Columbus' sign go by, and he turned to Josh.

"I thought we were going to the fair?"

"We are, but not the one in Columbus. We're going to the one in Springfield."

"What? Why? I have a curfew you know?" Tyler looked to Josh, trying to fight off his panic. He couldn't be late, he refused to get punished for something so stupid.

"We are going to Springfield so that we won't see anyone we know. I can tell you aren't comfortable yet, so I'm taking you somewhere you can be. Also, I don't have a curfew, so don't worry about it." Tyler looked at him suspiciously. On the one hand, it was the single most sweetest thing anyone had ever done for him, but at the same time, what the  _hell_ did Josh not having a curfew have to do with anything?

"Uhm, thanks, for the thought, but what the hell? You not having a curfew doesn't mean I don't too." Josh just grinned at him, flashing his perfect teeth.

"Didn't I mention? You're sleeping over my place. Oh, and don't worry, my family's in Indiana visiting relatives for the weekend, so you don't have to worry about meeting them." Tyler choked on his spit. While the idea of spending a night at Josh's sounded wonderful, he was still supposed to be pushing him away.

"But I'm supposed to be pushing you away." Tyler said with a small frown. Then his eyes went wide, he hadn't processed what he had said until it was too late. "Oh, uhm, I mean, I-"

"Tyler, I knew what you were doing but it's not gonna work, so just stop okay?" 

"Why didn't you say anything? Why wouldn't you have brought it up when we got coffee or something?" Tyler looked at him with sad eyes. He truly didn't understand why Josh hadn't screamed at him that first day...yesterday. God, it already felt like such a long time ago.

"I figured you didn't remember by how you were acting. I was gonna wait until we were more stable to bring it up. Wait until I knew you wouldn't freak. I also woulda brought it up in a completely different way than Hayley did. That was wrong of her." Tyler frowned at Josh's words.

"She had every right to be angry, she saw her best friend beaten."

"Still, she didn't need to be so hostile. She doesn't blame you either, she's just like a protective momma bear." 

"I'm sorry your nose got broken. Your still the most beautiful person I've ever seen, but I'm still sorry." Tyler couldn't think of anything else to say, so he just spoke the truth. He didn't care that he flat out called Josh beautiful, he wasn't that upset anymore. If Josh could let it go, then so could he, for his soulmate. He was also being selfish, he really wanted to hold Josh's hand that was resting on the center arm rest.

When Josh didn't reply to Tyler's words, Tyler took the opportunity to touch him. He looked out the window, then slid his hand over, so it was resting on top of Josh's He ignored the electricity that pumped through his veins, and his brain screaming for more contact. He just looked at the window, focusing on Josh's reflection. He knew it sounded creepy, but he enjoyed watching people when they thought they weren't being watched, it was when they were their purest.

He watched through the reflection as Josh's face lit up, then looked down at Tyler's hand. He felt as Josh twisted his and around so their fingers were interlocked, then watched again as Josh went back to watching the road, a huge grin plastered on his face.

-

Josh didn't know what he would call it, but victory seemed pretty close. He and Tyler didn't talk the rest of the car ride, but their hands remained entwined. Even when Tyler fell asleep with his head resting on the window. 

Josh didn't wake Tyler up when they reached the fair grounds. He pulled in, bought parking, and two bracelets, that would let them do whatever rides they wanted, however many times they wished. He also bought them the super ones, that meant they worked on food and games too. It cost a little bit of money, but it was worth it.  _Tyler_ was worth it. 

Once the car was parked he gently squeezed Tyler's hand and whispered his name. 

"Tyler? Hey Ty, come on, wake up, we're here." Tyler moaned and rolled his head over to rest on Josh's shoulder. Josh ignored his dick's twitch and continued trying to get the very handsome boy on his shoulder to wake up. He gently took the hand that wasn't entwined in Tyler's and used it to slowly place Tyler's head on the headrest. He then slowly removed his hand from Tyler's grasp and quietly opened his door. After checking to make sure the bracelets where in the pocket of his hoodie, he walked over to Tyler's side of the car and opened the door. 

He gently removed Tyler's seatbelt, then knelt down next to the car, moving to squeeze Tyler's thigh and shake it a little bit to try and get him to wake up. As soon as his hand made contact with Tyler's leg, Tyler's eyes shot right open. 

"Did you just electrocute me or some shit?" Tyler looked over to Josh with wide eyes.

"What? No, I just was trying to wake you up, I grabbed your leg to try and shake you awake." Tyler looked at Josh's hand, still resting on his thigh and frowned. 

"That's right where my mark is, must still be sensitive or something." Josh looked down at his hand, then grinned at Tyler.

"So you weren't kidding when you said you'd have to take your pants off. Good to know." Josh laughed as Tyler's expression turned to a glare, then he moved so Tyler could get out.

Once they were both out of the car, and it was locked, Josh grabbed Tyler's hand and steered them towards the fair grounds, but before he knew it, Tyler was sprinting in front of him, dragging him towards the fair. He had a giddy look in his eyes, and it made Josh fall even more hopelessly in love with him.  _Shit_. No, he couldn't think that yet, it was too soon. He needed to push that far...far away.

-

Tyler couldn't remember the last time he had been to a fair. He actually couldn't remember ever  _going_ to a fair. Jenna hated rollercoasters, and his parents didn't let him go to them, so he figured it had been never. He had subtly suggested the idea to Josh, and hoped that he would wanna go. 

Now that the rides and the smell of greasy food was right in front of him, he couldn't contain his excitement any longer. He broke off in a sprint, towing Josh behind him, and making sure to keep their hands tightly clasped.

Tyler stopped abruptly, causing Josh to slam into his chest and wrench his arm into an uncomfortable position.

"Oww... Josh! Next time, keep up!" He said it while playfully shoving him, to let him know he was teasing.

"I wasn't expecting you to stop." Josh stated with a small shrug, "Why did you stop?"

Tyler looked at him like he was a dumbass, "We need to get tickets...duh." Tyler jabbed a finger in the direction of the ticket booth for people who didn't purchase the bracelets. Josh quickly pulled out the bracelets and slid one onto Tyler's wrist.

"No need, I got these." Tyler looked at him questioningly.

"Okay, first: when did you get those? Second: what are those?"

"I got them while you were asleep, and they are the bracelets that let you do everything." Josh looked at him a little skeptically, "Jeez, you would think you've never been to a fair before..."

He blushed and ducked his head at Josh's words, and Josh let out a small gasp.

"YOU HAVE NEVER BEEN TO A FAIR!" Josh looked at him like he had just said he murdered the moon.

"No, as a matter of fact, I have not. It's not that big of a deal anyways." He tried to shrug Josh off, but he was still profusely blushing and Josh wouldn't have it.

"How did you not tell me this earlier! This is so exciting, have you ever been on a roller coaster?" Josh's eyes were filled with excitement, and Tyler quietly shook his head.

Before he knew it, he was getting dragged towards this green circular thing that was spinning around and around. It looked like one of the best things he had ever seen. He saw kids who had their arms and legs picked up, the centrifugal force keeping them pinned to the walls. He also noticed how there were no belts, just a chain that enclosed a cubby. 

His veins started pumping with adrenaline as he watched the ride spin around and around. He was vaguely aware of Josh telling him something, it was along the lines of 'rides then food, so there is no throwing up, then games and ferris wheel.' Tyler didn't truly care though, he was too busy watching the ride in front of him.

Josh must have noticed his eager eyes, because before he knew it, his head was being guided to look around the fair. There had to be at least two dozen rides, all lit up in beautiful colors and whirring around. There were kids eating cotton candy, and people laughing and screaming. It was the second most beautiful thing he had ever seen, falling short to Josh, and he decided that when he was older, he would take his kids to every fair within the state.

He suddenly felt Josh's hand on the small of his back, and realized he was being led onto the ride. He started bouncing up and down a little bit and looked over to Josh. The night had only just begun, yet it was already his favorite.

Josh led them to two little cubby things that were right next to each other, he fastened the chain across the front and sheepishly reached his hand through a small hole between the two of their cubbies. Josh seemed to get the memo, and grabbed Tyler's hand, giving him a reassuring squeeze.

He felt the spinning begin, and he thought his stomach was gonna be ripped out. He looked over to Josh with fearful eyes, but Josh just laughed. Then he felt the spinning intensify, and felt like he was being magnetized to the walls of the ride. He felt Josh squeeze his hand and he looked over.

"Pick your feet up...like this!" Josh had to scream it at him because the ride was so loud, but the example helped. Tyler picked his legs up off the floor then bent his knees so his feet where flat against the walls. He started laughing uncontrollably, probably from the butterflies in his stomach, until the ride started to turn sideways. Before he knew it, the ride was seemingly perpendicular and spinning in fast circles. The feeling in his brain was incredible, like a complete weightlessness.

As the ride slowed to a stop he realized Josh was laughing his ass off.

"What?" He said, still a little breathless and dizzy.

"I've never heard someone scream so loud before." Tyler rolled his eyes at him and tugged his hand out of Josh's. "Oh, babe come on, it was cute! I promise." Tyler didn't say anything in response, just waited until they were off the ride, and standing to the side a little before he practically jumped on Josh.

He pressed every inch of his body against Josh's, their bodies fitting together like two puzzle pieces, and nuzzled his face into the crook of Josh's neck. He was humming happily, with his arms wrapped around Josh's neck and Josh's arms wrapped around his waist.

"While I do love this gesture, may I ask what brought it on? You know, so I can do it more often?" Josh squeezed Tyler closer to him while he talked, and Tyler hummed again.

"This is sosososo beautiful Joshie...and I really like it when you call me babe." Tyler had refused to take his head out from Josh's warm and comforting neck, so it had come out a little muffled, but Josh got the gist.

"Well, come on, there's more rides to be riden,  _babe._ " Tyler whimpered, and hugged Josh tighter when he moved to push away, but Josh was tighter, and managed to peel him off. He was pleasantly surprised then Josh wrapped his arm around Tyler's shoulders and squeezed him tight. It was almost as if he was telling everyone else, that Tyler was  _his_ , and Tyler loved it, nuzzling closer to Josh.

They went on probably 10 more rides before both of their stomachs were grumbling and they decided to get some food. The sun had long since fallen below the horizon, and stars were sparkling in the sky along with the bright lights of the fair. Tyler panicked when he realized he had yet to tell his parents he wasn't coming home. 

He quickly pulled out his phone and sent his parents a message.

**Sent:** _'Staying at a friends' tonight, if that's okay?'_

**Mother:**   _'Who's'_

**Sent:** _'You don't know him. Just met yesterday in class. Really nice, parents are active church goers in the town over.'_

**Mother:**   _'Fine.'_

He let out a sigh of relief. He knew the whole church thing would work, but he wasn't totally sure if it was true. He didn't care though, seeing as he had been smart enough to put them in the other town so his parents would never be able to know who they were.

He noticed Josh eyeing him questioningly and he immediately became defensive. Had he read what he sent his Mother?

"What?" He asked

"What kind of a dinosaur phone is that? It's 2016, dude! I didn't even know they still made those!" Tyler just chuckled awkwardly, he didn't know what to say. It was the same phone he had had since 7th grade, his parents refused to buy him a different one. Thankfully Josh didn't press any further, and his phone was soon forgotten as they got pizzas.

Tyler happily hummed as the greasy pizza passed his lips. He couldn't remember the last time he had had good, greasy pizza, but it had been a long time. He was making noises with every bite and noticed Josh was staring at him. He raised his eyebrows at him, refusing to talk because that would involve stopping eating the pizza. Josh just blushed and shook his head. Tyler had no idea what he was embarrassed about but didn't have time to care because he had started his second piece.

By the time they were both done, they had decided they would each get an ice cream cone, mainly because Tyler was  _begging_ Josh. It was rare for Tyler to be allowed to eat junk food like this, and he was gonna relish in every second of it. He licked his tongue across the creamy dessert and instantly moaned at the taste. Josh turned a deep shade of red and Tyler noticed Josh was steadily staring at his lips. He quickly realized what had happened and felt very squeamish.

"Sorry, I uh, I don't get ice cream a lot..."

"Uh huh." Josh replied, still not taking his eyes from Tyler's lips as Tyler tried to finish his ice cream quickly. They stood up, and Josh threw his cone out, Tyler realized he barely even touched it, and wondered if he didn't like ice cream. He didn't put it together that Josh had been too busy watching Tyler to eat his dessert.

They moved over to the game section, where Josh expertly won Tyler a small teddy bear by shooting water into a clown's mouth. They were quickly bordened by the games, and decided to do one last ride before they would leave. Josh steered Tyler over to the big ferris wheel, and Tyler couldn't help but notice how Josh seemed to be brimming with anxiety.

It suddenly dawned on Tyler that maybe Josh was afraid of heights, and was only going on it for Tyler.

"Josh, if you don't wanna go on this one, we don't have to..."

"What? No, I love the ferris wheel. Don't worry, I'm fine, heights don't bother me." He gave Tyler a reassuring smile and Tyler let it go. 

They boarded onto their small car, just big enough for too, and took the slow ride up in silence. The wheel stopped when they were perfectly on top, and Tyler stared out at the scenery in a stunned silence. He could see for miles, and the fair lights lit up the grounds amazingly. The place was full of happy families and friends and Tyler fell in love with the whole night all over again. 

He felt a warm, electrifying hand on his face, turning him towards Josh. He noticed how badly Josh was shaking, and was worried he truly was afraid of heights until Josh's face started moving closer, ever so slowly. Tyler instantly understood what was happening, and realized Josh must have been planning this. He started to move forward, squeezing his eyes shut.

He felt Josh's lips press up against his. It was soft and sweet, their lips slotting together perfectly. Tyler felt like he was on fire, his body was filled with electricity, and he subconsciously slid closer to Josh so they were as close as they could get on the constricting chair. Tyler wound his fingers in the hair at the nape of Josh's hair and their lips began to move in a perfect synchronization. It was impossibly sweet and tender, and Tyler melted into Josh. The whole world and all of the nights beauty slipped away until it was just him and Josh, together. 

They broke apart, slightly panting from the fire coursing through their veins. They kept their foreheads pressed together, and looked into each others eyes. It was like they had become one person. Tyler was completely speechless, that was his first kiss, and it was way more amazing than he had ever imagined.

"Guess I'm experiencing a bunch of things for the first time tonight." He whispered to Josh, giggling softly.

Josh's eyes blew up like saucers, "That-That was your first kiss? But I thought-"

"I always lied. That was my first, and it was beyond perfect, thank you." He breathed. He knew what Josh was talking about, all the girls Tyler had always said he had kissed. He loved the smile that beamed across Josh's face, and he quickly put another peck to Josh's lips before facing out into the world again. He realized they were moving down, and he grabbed Josh's hand as they prepared to get off.

They got off of Tyler's new favorite ride, and made their way to the car in silence. Holding hands and walking close enough so their shoulders were touching. When they got to the car, Josh opened Tyler's door, like always, and made his way over to his side. As soon as the car was started and they were moving down the road, Josh reached his hand over, and grabbed Tyler's, filling Tyler with a sense of calm as he drifted off into a peaceful sleep. He found sleeping was impossibly easier with Josh there, like his soulmate was able to quiet the storm that was always raging on in Tyler's mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you don't know, the first ride I was describing is called the zero gravity. I highly recommend as it is fun as hell.


	6. Telepathic

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry that this took so long, and I have no excuse other than I had no idea what to write about. Some people have been asking about the other relationships, and I promise I will get to those, but I want to develop Tyler and Josh's relationship a little first.  
> TW for mentions and depictions of abuse

When Josh pulled into his driveway, Tyler was still asleep in the seat beside him. His hand was clutching onto Josh's like a lifeline, and Josh was afraid to let go to get out of the car. He gingerly removed his hand from his soulmates grasp, then hastily made his way over to the passenger side of the car. He opened the door and considered waking Tyler up, but he looked too peaceful sleeping, so he decided he would carry the boy. Tyler was small anyways, something that had had Josh worried since the first time they met, but he didn't think Tyler would be comfortable talking about it to him yet, so, he was waiting.

He unbuckled Tyler's seatbelt, then slid his arms under his knees and back, slinging Tyler's arm around his shoulder in the process, carrying him bridal style. He carefully picked Tyler up out of the seat and kicked the door shut behind him. He was upset at how easy it was for him to carry Tyler, he knew he had a drummer's upper body and everything, but Tyler was seemingly weightless. 

As he walked Tyler through the front door, he couldn't help but smile as Tyler nuzzled his head into Josh's neck, murmuring indecipherably in his sleep. He carefully walked up the stairs, trying not to jostle him too much, and into his bedroom. He really hoped Tyler would be okay with them sleeping in the same bed, he didn't want to have to leave his side.

He gently laid Tyler down onto his bed, moving to pull away when all of the sudden Tyler's grip around Josh's neck tightened, pulling him back closer. He eyed Tyler, but was certain he was still asleep. He could hear him whispering to himself, and felt rude listening in, but be couldn't exactly move away.

"Josh, no, please, please, please, don't leave me. Don't let them take me please, please Josh." He eyed Tyler in concern. Who was he talking about? Who was taking him away from Josh?

"Shhh baby, it's okay, I'm right here, everything's gonna be okay." He didn't really know how to console someone who was dreaming, but it seemed to work, because Tyler let go of his neck and rolled over onto his side.

Josh debated taking Tyler's jeans off for him, and dressing him in a pair of sweatpants, but didn't want to come off as creepy. Instead he put a folded pair of basketball shorts on the table next to Tyler's head and put a note on it that said ' _didn't wanna be creepy_ '. He quickly peeled off his own skinny jeans and t-shirt, then slid into a pair of basketball shorts. He padded over to his bed and tried to get on without the whole bed moving. 

It was a large bed, a king size, and so Tyler had plenty of space. While Josh ached to close that space and cuddle him all night, he didn't wanna scare Tyler. He fell asleep to the sound of Tyler's breathing, more content than he had ever been before.

-

_Josh didn't know where he was. Everywhere was black, besides for a small bit of red light revealing his immediate surroundings. There were no conceivable walls, and nothing that resembled furniture or landscape, just blackness._

_He turned around and saw Tyler, relief flooding over him. He tried to walk towards him, but his feet were stuck in place. He tried calling out to him, but it was like he was invisible. Tyler was only a few feet away, yet he couldn't reach him no matter how hard he tried._

_He heard Tyler start whimpering beside him, and immediately turned in concern. Why was Tyler so scared? Then he saw a faceless figure emerge from the darkness. The_ thing  _was ominous and dark, reeking of evil. He saw another figure emerge slowly behind it, but this one was cowering in fear behind the first. It looked as though it were chained to the first figure. Tyler was shaking with fear now, tears streaming down his face. Josh wanted to go hug him, but he was still unable to move._

 _Tyler cowered away from the first figure, shaking with fright as it turned a terrifying shade of red, like it was exploding with rage. Suddenly Josh heard a monotonous voice, it was strange, it was like it had a sound, but no voice, like the voice in your head when you think. The voice was terrifying,_ _nonetheless and shook him straight to the core._

 _'You useless stupid idiot. Always fucking things up. You fuck up every single thing you touch, and then_ I  _am the one who has to punish you for it. You screw up, and I have to teach you a lesson, it's for your own good you know?' The whole fucked up monologue sounded familiar to Josh, but he was too petrified to think about it now. The figure was looming closer to Tyler, and Josh was screaming and crying and begging desperately to try to get to him. To try to put himself between this thing and Tyler._

_Tyler was just sitting there, as if he knew what was coming next, and Josh watched in horror as the figure raised its arm into a fist, and swung it into Tyler's gut. Tyler doubled over, but made no noise, Josh felt the punch in his own core, like it was him being hit. He was screaming and sobbing and he felt so utterly helpless as he watched the figure bring its leg back and kick Tyler in the ribs, 1, 2, 3 times._

_Josh felt every single thing. He felt like he had just been mugged and was curled in on himself. Tyler hadn't made a single noise the whole time, he took the beating as if he was expecting it, was used to it. Josh silently watched as the first figure turned and disappeared into the darkness. The second figure had been unmoving the whole time, but had become a dark shade of blue, like sorrow._

_As soon as the first figure was nowhere detectable, the second ran to Tyler, its bonds seemingly gone without the presence of the first. It consoled him, and wrapped him in an embrace, it was pulsating a vibrant purple, like a mix between sorrow and love, desperation and rage. He could tell the second figure cared for Tyler but could do nothing to stop what had_ _occurred. Then he was falling..._

 - 

Josh sat straight up in bed, covered in a thin, cold sweat. Tyler was laying next to him, curled in on himself, but seemingly fine. Josh gasped for air. He felt like he had been jammed into someone else's head. Like he had been an intruder, it was definitely the worst nightmare he had ever had. He layed back down, and didn't care if he was being creepy anymore. He needed to know Tyler was safe. He gently pulled Tyler towards him. Tyler immediately latched himself onto Josh, and Josh sighed in relief.

He was laying on his back, with Tyler's head resting in the crook of his neck, and their legs slotted together. Tyler was pretty much on top of Josh, and he found Tyler's weight on top of his chest comforting. He wrapped his arm, around Tyler's waist, pulling him closer, and fell into a deep, peaceful sleep.

-

Tyler woke up when it was still dark outside. He immediately shot straight up, he had no idea where he was. He was also laying on something extremely warm and electrifying, and he had no idea what it was. The room was dark, and all he could see was silhouettes of things. In his immediate panic, he had sat up, and that left him straddling whatever it was that was lying underneath him. He realized he was still wearing his jeans and t-shirt, and groaned at the ache in his legs from being in jeans for so long. He heard a sound come from under him.

"Ty, what are you doing it's the middle of the night." Relief washed over him when he realized it was Josh's hips he was straddling.

"I'm sorry, I woke up and have no idea where I am." He chuckled nervously, moving to slide off of Josh, but Josh's hands moved to his hips to keep him in place.

"You're at my house, you fell asleep in the car so I just carried you up here to my room. There's shorts on the table if you wanna change." Josh's voice was extremely husky from him still being half asleep, and Tyler loved the way he could already feel so comfortable around Josh.

"Oh okay." He leaned down and pressed a quick kiss to Josh's lips while mumbling "Thank you." He smiled at the warmth that spread through his body when their lips made contact, it was breathtaking.

He rolled off Josh to go get the shorts and change out of his jeans, earning a small whimper from Josh. Tyler focused hard on his soulmate, his eyes had adjusted to the darkness and he could see a little more clearly. Josh was shirtless, in just a pair of basketball shorts. His upper body was toned beyond belief, he had a six pack, ripped biceps, the whole 9 yards. That's when Tyler remembered something about Josh plays drums, and it made sense, he must be ripped from drumming. 

Tyler reluctantly tore his eyes away and grabbed the shorts on the table that had a little note on them, ' _didn't wanna be creepy_ '. He chuckled to himself and tugged down his jeans to pull on the basketball shorts. They were a little big on him, so they sat really low on his hips, showing his prominent hip bones. He stood there for a second, then decided to take his shirt off as well, despite his insecurities about being super skinny.

He walked over to the bed, and rolled himself back into the position he had awoken from. His head was nestled in Josh's neck, their legs slotted together, and Tyler pretty much on top of Josh. He felt Josh's arm come up and wrap itself around his waist, and he smiled against Josh's neck. He took his hand and splayed it out across Josh's chest, liking the feeling of his heart beat under his finger tips.

The only difference this time, was that neither of them were wearing shirts, so their chests were pressed up against each other, skin to skin. Tyler was fairly certain Josh was asleep, but the feeling was still electrifying, sending waves of...something, love? passion? adoration?...through his body. He knew Josh felt it too, even in his sleep, because he let out a small moan, while using his arm to pull Tyler even more on top of him.

-

Tyler slowly sat up from his position on the bed. He was extremely disoriented before he remembered that he was in Josh's room. Josh was no where to be seen, but Tyler could smell the fresh brewed coffee, and figured Josh must be in the kitchen.

He hadn't had time to look around Josh's room the night before, but in the daylight, his breath was taken away. The room was fairly large, and the bed Tyler was on was a large king size, with a dark blue duvet. There was a TV on the far wall with a long L-shaped couch infront of it. In the back corner sat a full set of shiny drums, and the whole room was lit with sunlight from the big open windows. The room also had the usual desk and dresser, along with a nightstand on either side of the bed. The walls were what really captivated Tyler. There was barely any paint showing due to the vast amount of band posters and pictures that covered them. They ranged across the spectrum of musical genres, and the sight took Tyler's breath away.

The room was such a stark contrast to that of his own. He was only allowed a small twin bed, a desk, and a dresser in his small room. He wasn't allowed any posters or pictures. He had once tried to put a small picture of his siblings on his desk, but when his father had found it, he had smashed it to pieces and told him he wasn't worthy of having any possessions. It had broken his heart, but it helped when his siblings and mom secretly gave him a scrapbook filled with family pictures, none with his father.

That was the thing with his family, everyone lived in fear of his father. His mom would have to stand by and silently watch as he carried on with his punishments, and when he was gone, would console whoever had been punished. When his father wasn't around, he actually had a very loving and kind family.

It made him happy to see that Josh's home life was different from Tyler's. Josh deserved the absolute best, and all of the happiness in the world. He left Josh's room and entered a long hallway. There were pictures lining the walls of a smiling family of 6. They ranged from childhood pictures, to wedding-photos, and even recent ones. He spotted Josh in most of them, along with what was most likely a younger brother and 2 younger sisters. They all shared Josh's crinkly-eyed smile that Tyler had come to love so much over the past two days.

He worked his way down the hallway and the stairs that rested at the end of it. He was dropped off into a kitchen/living room that homed more pictures. He saw Josh leaning against one of the counters in the kitchen, stirring a cup of coffee. His back was turned to Tyler, and Tyler quickly realized that they were both still shirtless. He immediately crossed his arms across his front, self-conscious of his bony and thin frame in comparison to Josh's toned one. He was thankful that he didn't have any fresh bruises across his abdomen as he wasn't quite sure how he would explain those to Josh. 

Tyler awkwardly cleared his throat as he moved a little closer into the room to try and alert Josh of his presence. Josh turned around with a huge toothy grin on his face.

"Morning Ty! I made some coffee if you want some?" Tyler nodded to Josh's offering, and went to lean against the counter next to Josh.

"Thanks for letting me borrow your shorts." Tyler said after he took a sip of his scalding hot coffee.

"Yeah, of course!" The air around them suddenly turns awkward when neither really knows what to say.

"Uh, I really like your house?" Tyler hadn't meant for it to come out like a question, but he hadn't really been sure of what to say. Josh just smiled back and Tyler quickly remembered that he was supposed to hang out with his mom and siblings today, since his father was out for the weekend. He was debating between asking Josh to come or not when Josh spoke.

"How'd you sleep?" Tyler looked at him a little skeptically. The question had come out rushed and nervous, and now that he thought about it, Josh had been acting kinda strange all morning.

"Uhm, fine. Why?" 

"Well, the thing is, I don't want you to get weirded out or anything, but I, uh, I think I dream hopped last night." Josh was stuttering over his words and looked like he thought Tyler was gonna run.

"Ok? I don't really know what that means." Tyler looked at Josh waiting for an answer, his nerves sitting on edge.

"Yeah, I didn't really know what it was either. So, like, uh, last night, I had this weird dream, and it had felt like it wasn't mine or whatever, like when I woke up, I felt like I had been a bystander in a dream. So, uh, this morning I was doing some reading while you were still sleeping." Josh stopped and looked at him, and Tyler silently urged him on, "Well, what I found was that, while it was like really rare or whatever, some soulmates can have a connection that's stronger than most, and can, uh, have telepathic links." Tyler's mouth dropped open as he looked at Josh.

"Wha-what does that mean, so like, y-you see all my thoughts or something?" Tyler's voice had gotten really small, his mind was reeling. How is this possible, how can they have a  _telepathic_ link?

"No! No, I-I guess I see what you want me to, and vice versa. It said that it would take concentration at first, but would get easier to show the other things."

"So, what dream did you see exactly?"

"It was-I was in a dark room, and uh, these faceless  _things_ came in," Josh stopped, his voice was shaking, and he looked like he was about to cry, "and the bigger one, he-he started...he started  _hurting_ you, and I felt so helpless because I couldn't move, or speak, and then he stopped and-and he left and the other one came over and-" He broke off and looked to Tyler.

Tyler didn't know what to say. He knew the dream, he had it every night, or at least different version of it. It was always him and then two figures would come in, and the one that would represent his father would begin to punish him for something, and then his mom would console him afterwards. He looked to Josh, who had tears silently streaming down his face, and prayed he didn't understand the symbolism behind the figures.

"You said that we control what we show each other?" Josh just nodded in response. "Well, I uh, I don't really know why my mind choose to show you that, but I'm sorry."

Josh just looked at him, eyes filled with sorrow. Then, in an instant, Tyler was being enveloped in a tight hug from Josh. He was being squeezed so hard it was hard to breathe, but he wrapped his arms around Josh, and stayed silent.

-

Josh didn't know what to say, so he had hugged Tyler instead of saying anything. He didn't know how to ask what he wanted to, but took a deep breath and tried his best.

"Those figures, were they-did they represent your... _parents_?" He felt Tyler tense in his arms and draw in a sharp breath.

"That's none of your-"

"But it is! You're my soulmate for christ's sake Tyler!" He pulled back to look at Tyler's face and saw his eyes were filled with fear.

"You can't tell anyone, ok? I don't know why my brain thought you should see that, but you can't tell anyone." Tyler's voice was barely above a whisper as he spoke to Josh, and he wanted nothing more than to pick up the small fragile boy and take him somewhere safe from the world.

"You shouldn't be getting hurt. You deserve so much better. You can report these kinds of things-"

Josh was cut off when a single word, one that didn't feel like his own passed through his mind.

**No**

The word felt like Tyler, like his presence, and Josh stumbled away from his soulmate at the shock of it. He looked into Tyler's eyes and could tell the other boy was just as surprised as him.

"How-"

"I don't know, it just sort of happened."

Josh closed his eyes and concentrated on Tyler, on the bond he felt with his soulmate. He filled his mind with Tyler, and he felt a small tug in his gut, one that he assumed meant he was connecting to something foreign.

_**I think I'm in love with you** _

Josh thought the 7 words and tried his hardest to direct them to Tyler in his mind. He heard a small gasp and opened his eyes to see Tyler standing dumbstruck in front of him. He assumed that meant it worked. He watched at Tyler's mouth turned up a little at the corners, and Josh felt the overwhelming need to close the distance between them.

He took one large step towards Tyler, and grabbed the back of the other boys neck, roughly crashing their lips together. It was nothing like the one the night before. It was heated, and their lips moved frantically across each others. He felt Tyler reach his hands into his hair, and moaned when the boy started to tug on his hair. Josh slowly backed the two of them against the wall so Tyler's back was against it.

He picked his lips up from Tyler's and slowly moved them across his jaw and to Tyler's neck. He kissed a line down to his collar bone and back up to his lips. He moved to deepen the kiss, but froze when he felt Tyler in his mind again.

**I'm in love with you too**

Josh smiled against Tyler's lips and pulled away, the other boys eyes were still closed, but he was smiling the brightest Josh had ever seen. Josh giggled and pressed his head into the slightly taller boys neck, breathing him in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry I just kinda ended but I wanted to get this up before I went to bed. I also have no idea how to write smut or anything, so it may be a little bit before anything like that happens because I have to try and figure that out.
> 
> Also, Tyler's mental talking is bold, and Josh's is bold with italics, for future reference.


	7. Alethephobia

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for my absence to anyone who might be invested in this story. It has seemed as though everything in life is just going wrong. I haven't been able to find any form of motivation. I lost any interest I previously had in school, sports, writing, anything. It seems like everything is in a downward spiral, and I have been spinning for months. I'm forcing myself to write this chapter hoping that I may be able to find some sort of drive again, and maybe kickstart myself before I completely fall. I really apologize for not updating for so long, I was guilty about it every single day, and as the months added up, it just kept getting worse. I hope this chapter is decent enough for you guys, and I hope it gives me some sort of inspiration to get back on my feet.
> 
> Sorry for the dreary paragraph.

He didn't know why he had asked, and why he had stated something so serious, so blatantly. He had figured that telling truth to him, and starting to build an honest, healthy relationship would be a step in the right direction. He hadn't fully realized it was a serious thing until the look of utter betrayal and despair crossed the other boys face. He still didn't fully understand why Josh had gotten upset. Had he not disclosed himself well-enough in their previous conversations? It was nothing to be taken personally, it was just a necessity if Tyler wanted to continue to have a roof over his head.

Yet, here he is. Sitting on one of the creaky, stained, plastic chairs in the bowling alley, with his Mom, sister, and two brothers, yet no Josh.

He had been looking forward to this little family outing for weeks, ever since his father announced that he had a weekend trip planned, and his mother had asked him what he wanted to do. It wasn't common that his father left on a business trip, but when he did, his whole family basked in the glory of a household not caged in by fear.

But now, here he sat, bathing in his own pitiful despair, all because his stupid soulmate had declined his offer to come.   

_"So I have this thing today... with my family... and I was wondering, if maybe, like, you would want to... come?" Tyler was sitting atop Josh's kitchen counter, watching him make coffee to accompany their breakfast._

_"Of course I would wanna come. Are you sure your parents will be ok with it?" He turned towards Tyler, and Tyler could already tell this conversation would spiral quickly if he didn't choose his words carefully._

_"My mom totally won't mind. She loves when she is actually able to meet my friends." At this, Josh's eyebrows furrowed, and he seemed to think for awhile before he responded. "Friends? Is that... I mean... I thought-" "No! Of course your more than a friend to me! Obviously! It's just..." Tyler started anxiously scratching the back of his neck, and tugging at the little hairs there, "I mean, I have a feeling my mom would be ok with us, and I know my siblings would be, it's just... they, they're so young. They wouldn't really get that what we are, isn't considered conventional, or ok to my father. They might slip up, and refer to you as my boyfriend in front of him once he gets home from his trip."_

_Tyler was looking at his feet, dangling in the air, and Josh was heavily concentrated on the window behind Tyler, like he was willing it to open, and suck them out of this current situation. Tyler had yet to feel awkward around Josh, and right now was just another one of those firsts he had been experiencing._

_"So, if I went with you, we would have to act as friends. We would be a secret." Josh was speaking in a way that Tyler didn't know if he was asking a question or not. "Um, yes. I'm sorry- It's just, if my father found out I had a soulmate, a male soulmate, and it was something more than platonic... I would be out on the streets, at best."_

_"Well, how long would we have to stay a secret?" He spoke the word like it was acid on his tongue, and his face was blank, letting Tyler assume he already had an idea as to what his answer would be. "Um, well, I mean, at least until graduation...but if I do decide on going to college, maybe through that too, so that I can get an education and everything. I know it sucks, and, trust me, I wouldn't choose to do this unless it was really, really necessary, but..."_

_"So, we have to stay a secret, for the rest of high-school, and then some? I won't be able to hold your hand in the halls, or take you on dates in town for over 5 years. I was expecting you to say you had to wait to come out a little while... but I figured a couple months, not years!" Josh couldn't help the look in his eyes. Everything that he had been thinking of doing with Tyler, all the fun ideas that had manifested inside his brain, just flew right out the window he was still staring at so forcefully. Any hopes of a future that he had let himself fantasize over was gone in one quick sentence._

_"I'm sorry! It's just... it's just-" "Yeah. Uh, I actually have some chores, and uh, and homework I have to do. It's actually alot of stuff, so maybe you should go home right now. I'll drive you if you need." "Ok." Tyler didn't know his voice could be so small._

_The ride to Tyler's house was silent, and tense. The music quietly playing was the only thing keeping Tyler from ripping out his own hair._

He had been expecting Josh to be upset, but at least understanding. He had hoped he would have been okay with it, but here he still is, pretending to enjoy this day out with his family, away from his father. He should have known better than to bring up something so apparently serious to Josh after only knowing him for a few  _days_. He guesses he had hoped Josh would be the one person he could confide in, the one person he would tell everything to, the person who could hear every insane thought that rattled around in his brain, and every thing his father does to him, without running for the hills. He guesses he thought wrong, and Josh was just like every other person; scared of the true Tyler. Tyler's biggest fear of Josh leaving as soon as he found out the true Tyler had happened, and he felt like his heart was being ripped out of his chest. Or was it Josh's chest? He didn't know, but he knew he could feel the betrayal, and pain his soulmate was feeling, and it was only making the turmoil spinning around in his head, and his gut, a hundred times worse.

-

He didn't know why he had reacted the way he did. Josh usually wasn't one to be sentimental. He couldn't give a crap about all that relationship stuff that people do, and always holding a persons hand, like a claim to them. He never had before, but it seemed like with Tyler, he was different. He wanted to bring him out to every restaurant, and movie, and starlit night. He wanted to hold his hand all of the time, as a way of saying 'Yeah, he's mine. I'm the lucky guy who gets this beautiful human being.' He also wanted Tyler's hand in his as a constant reminder and reassurance, one that said Tyler wasn't going anywhere, and would always be right there next to him. 

He supposes he had blown that, though.

He had been expecting Ty to need some time to be able to come out. What he hadn't expected was for it take half a decade. They would be well into their twenties before Josh could tell  _anyone_ he loved about Tyler, and he didn't think he could handle that. Josh hadn't meant to push him away, and he hadn't meant to make himself so distant, but now, he was paying the price, clearly, since he was sitting on his couch in his living room watching the TV, with nothing to do but wallow in his own despair.

He had contemplated saying something to Ty, well, thinking it, he supposes, and apologizing, but then he thought better of it. Instead, he let all of his emotions be open, he wasn't blocking them from him, but he wasn't purposefully _sending_ them to him either. He was just letting himself be depressed, and not caring whether or not Tyler was feeling double the suffering. He wanted Tyler to feel how much he was hurting, and how betrayed he was. He didn't know why he had thought it was a good idea, but here he was, glaring at the TV with all he had, and, no doubt, sending waves of emotions to Tyler. 

It hadn't taken him long to realize that Tyler was definitely getting all of his despair, and that he was efficiently blocking off his own from reaching Josh. He doesn't know why that makes him so angry... but it does. So angry that he's pacing around his kitchen floor now, and trying with everything he has not to start shouting to Tyler through their link. 

He was angry with himself, and not Tyler, never Tyler. He was mad that he had made Tyler feel like he couldn't show him how he was feeling. He had undoubtedly broken the trust he had managed to build with him in the few short days. He was also surprised at just how strong their bond was after such a short amount of time. He  _knew_ Tyler didn't trust easy. He didn't know how he knew that, but he did. He also knew he had broken theirs, and that Tyler was intentionally blocking off what he was feeling. This wasn't the peaceful quiet like when he had been asleep, or the buzz that had been there when they were in class, and Ty was no doubt zoned out completely. This was something he didn't like. It was a large, black, numbness that was enveloping him. It was simultaneously the most painfully quiet, and ear-splittingly loud thing he had ever experienced. He hated it.

-

 He had been home from the bowling alley for quite awhile now. He was holed up in his room when the ceaseless despair radiating through him suddenly shifted to white- hot anger. He stood up quickly, nervous as to what had shifted Josh's mood so suddenly. 

 The next thing he got was pictures, or quick little _videos_. He didn't really know what they would be called, but the first one knocked him back to the floor. It was so  _angry,_ and he wasn't used to the feeling. 

  _He got one of Josh's house, and in the snippet, he was quickly standing from the couch, and stomping over to the counter._

_Then he was suddenly reaching for the door, pulling it open, with car keys in his other hand, and-_

 Tyler knew Josh wasn't meaning to send him these, but clearly the anger that was ripping through Josh's brain was all that he could concentrate on. 

  _Now the door was opening, and being thrown shut behind him. The noise was a deafening crack-_

 Tyler cringed from the noise. It pounded through his skull, and shook him to his core.

  _The car engine was humming, and he was shifting into gear. He reversed out of the drive way so fast, then started speeding down the road._

_Then, Tyler was seeing street signs._

_Lexington, then turning onto Main. Taking a left at the light, onto Scourn._

 Tyler realized with a jolt that Josh was heading towards his house. Josh was coming to his house, in a fit of blind rage, and Tyler started trembling with fear because of what usually occured when someone was directing that much anger towards him. It resulted in his father's foot in his ribs, and hand at his windpipe. Of course Josh would be the same. Why had Tyler ever thought he deserved  _love_? He was worthless, and had hurt Josh. He needed to be punished. 

_T_ _he car was pulling up to a light on E Windsor. The light was changing from yellow, to red, and the car was going to fast._

_It reached the intersection at the same time as a semi did. The semi came from his left, and it was too close, and too late to steer away._

_The car was going to be smashed in on the drivers side by the semi. It was going to be crushed-_

Tyler tensed. Josh was the driver. Josh was the one who was going to be hit by that semi. Josh, his soulmate, the person who he had just hurt, was going to be hit by that semi, because he was racing towards Tyler's house because he was angry with him. It was all Tyler's fault, and Josh was going to be hurt because of it. 

He willed for another picture. Shut his eyes, and rocked back and forth, trying desperately to get another picture to be sent through the link.

 Nothing came. There were no pictures, no emotions, just a never ending radio silence.

 Tyler knew what had happened, but refused to believe that Josh was anything but okay. He was probably knocked out by the airbags, or something. That happened all the time right? He would be fine. Any second he would feel a rush of emotions that weren't his run through his body. He would be comforted by the wave of  _Josh_ that would replace the emptiness he was feeling right now. Any second he would get a little ' _I'm okay'_ over the line, and his body would relax knowing Josh was safe and sound.

 He waited and waited. 5 minutes passed, then 10, and then 30. Nothing ever came. He was just empty. He willed himself to wake up, figuring that this was just a dream. Nothing bad had happened to Josh. It was just some sick, twisted dream.

 Tyler's phone started ringing. He lurched forward and grabbed it off of his bed, looking at the caller ID. It was Josh. 

 "Josh! Ar-" "I'm sorry sir, this is and EMT speaking. You were the first contact on the favorites of this phone. I'm so so-" "Where's Josh is he- is he..." Tyler dwindled off, not able to finish his sentence. 

 "I'm sorry, but your friend, Josh you said, was in a car accident. He is being taken to the hospital. When we arrived he was unconscious. We believe he may be bleeding into his brain from the intensity of the crash. He will be going to St. Josephs."

 Tyler was paralyzed. He knew he should be responding, or saying  _anything_. He needed to go to the hospital. He needed-

 He was falling. His phone slipped from his grasp, and he was collapsing to the floor in a heap of body-wracking sobs. He could faintly hear a "Hello? Sir?" coming from his phone lying a few feet away, but he couldn't do anything other than lay on the floor, sobbing.

 He faintly registers his mom entering the room, and pulling him into her arms and asking whats the matter. He can't respond. The sobs are wracking his whole body. He hears his mother talking to someone, a one-sided conversation, and assumes she picked up his phone. She asks him who Josh is, but he can't respond. He is sobbing too forcefully, and too loudly to be able to speak anything. He manages out a small "Josh" before the sobs overtake him again, and the look of understanding that passes over his mothers face tells him she understands, even though he never told her he had a soulmate or that his soulmate was male.

 He feels her gently pull him to his feet, and lead him out of his room, down the hallway, stairs, and out the front door. He still sobbing, just now it's into his mothers shoulder, as she rubs soothing circles onto his back. He detaches himself when he feels her tug open the passenger door to her car, and gingerly climbes in. He manages to quiet his despair into shaking shoulders and sniffs, while the tears continue to flood from his eyes. 

 Tyler is eternally grateful to the God he no longer has faith in that his mother doesn't seem upset he never went and told her he had registered to learn his soulmate, and that that soulmate is a male. He hopes that she understands it wasn't personal towards her, but rather a necessity for survival pertaining to his father. He figures she does, as he realizes, through his tear-blurred vision, he is being driven to St. Josephs hospital. The constant stream of "Shhhh"'s and "Everything's gonna be okay"'s that are being directed towards him from his mother.

 He wishes he could listen to his mothers soothing words, but he feels it in his gut that everything is not fine. He would be able to feel  _something_ from Josh if everything was fine, and currently it's still the black numbness as before. He regrets shutting himself off from Josh; if this is what he was feeling... well, he swears to himself he will never do that to Josh again if he's okay. From the second he knows Josh will be okay, he will never again build up a wall.

God, how did he let himself get so attached to Josh after mere days?

He doesn't truly care. When he's with Josh he's the happiest he has ever been, and he can't afford to lose that.

 


	8. New Beginnings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I decided to have a pretty big time jump, but there will be flashbacks, but I felt like staying in the High school setting was gonna go nowhere. Also, I swear once school dies down a bit I will start to update regularly but it's just hard to find the time right now.

"Mom, Dad, I'm gay." Was probably not the best way to come out to your homophobic and abusive drunken father, yet that is what Tyler had done, and now he was sitting paralyzed in his families living room that he hadn't been in since August...before he left for his first year of college.

He knew his Mom already knew, that was pretty well established over a year ago when his then boyfriend and also soulmate was hospitalized, yet they had agreed on keeping it a secret between the two of them considering Tyler still had an education he had been hoping to achieve, and he had decided he was no good for Josh. This was all besides the point. His point was that his Mom knew already, and was completely beaming at him, like a proud hen or something, but his father, well, he looked like he was close to death.

His father had gone completely ashen, and even a little gray, and for once in his life, seemed like he was at a loss for words. Then, the moment of confusion clearly gone, he slowly rose from his residence in the worn arm chair and fixed Tyler with a pointed stare. "Son, I pray for your sake that you are playing some sick, twisted joke, because the Josephs are not  _gay._ " Tyler flinched at this; the word uttered with such hate, filth, venom; it was enough to make him want to throw up. The flinch must have been confirmation that he was speaking the truth, as his father turned a brilliant shade of red, and he thought he could see him physically restraining from throttling Tyler. " _You._ You disgusting piece of filth. You are no longer my son. My son; choosing this- this life of sin! Get the  _hell_ out of my house!"

Tyler was close to tears now, and he was desperately wishing that this was all some sick dream. When he woke up, he would be back in his college dorm, dreading having to go back home for the first time since he started his Freshmen year in college. Dreading the Thanksgiving break, but still feeling safe in the fact that he would be away from home for at least a few more hours. When he raised his eyes up to his fathers, he could tell very quickly that this was not a dream, and he had maybe five minutes to pack his bags before his father did follow through with his urge to throttle him. 

Suddenly, Tyler seemed to regain movement, and went to turn and run up the stairs so he could pack a bag or  _something_ , but he felt an arm grab his and stop him from moving.  _'Oh crap, I was too fucking slow_ ' quickly ran through his mind as he turned back around to face his parents, but he saw with a start that it was actually his mom's hand that was holding him back. He looked up to her face for the first time since his father's outburst, and was surprised to see she looked even angrier than his father.

"Tyler is  _my_ son. If anyone's leaving, it will be you." Tyler looked at his mom in pure and utter shock. For starters he had never seen his mom so angry, and sure of herself in the presence of his father. She had also never stood up to the man, or contradicted him in anyway, not since he started drinking at least. "I have had  _enough of your shit_. You have pushed this family around for years, and nearly drunk yourself to death 100 times. Leave and never come back; I would rather Tyler, Zach, Maddy, and Jay have no father than the sour excuse for one that you are."

Tyler nearly cried. He couldn't believe what he was hearing. The look of triumph on his mom's face was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. He then watched as his mom confidently strode over to the telephone that hung on the wall. She picked it up off the line, and spoke very calmly, stating "You have 30 seconds to be out that front door and never come back, or I _will_ call the cops." 

His father's mouth flapped up and down a few times, before he thought better of it, walking out the door, and slamming it so hard the house rattled and Tyler's ears buzzed like he had just heard a gunshot go off. 

-

Josh abruptly stopped his drumming when he felt waves of anxiety and fear crash into his system. He wished he could say that receiving emotions from his soulmate was something that happened all the time. That in the year since they had met, Tyler and he had grown so close that they shared everything, but the reality of the situation was that Josh and Tyler hadn't talked since a few days after Josh woke up in the hospital.

 

 _He woke up completely disoriented, and having no_ _recollection of how he got where he was. He quickly figured he was in a hospital, judging by the bright lights overhead and the sterile, hand-sanitizer like smell engulfing his nose._

_The pain came next; his head felt like it was going to explode, and he just wanted someone to shut the damn lights off. He peered around the room he was laying in and saw only one person. Tyler. He instantly felt safer, and just wanted his soulmate to come and hug him or something cheesy like that, but hey, he was in pain. He contemplated calling his name but realized Tyler was fast asleep in an uncomfortable looking plastic chair, and looked as though it was the first sleep he had gotten in days._

_Turns out, he didn't have to wait long, 'cause after only about 30 seconds of looking at Tyler he was jumping out of his seat and rushing over to Josh's side. Josh, too exhausted to actually talk or think or anything, just quirked an eyebrow, and Tyler shrugged, saying "I felt you were awake, well, I felt you I guess, you've been gone while you were out."_

_This didn't help Josh's confusion, and he still had no energy so he furrowed his eyebrows at his soulmate, hoping it would send his question for him. "Oh, uh you've been out for about three days. You were in a bad car accident J." Tyler looked at Josh like he was regretting something, but Josh didn't have the energy to ask or care about what he was regretting. He just nodded his head and closed his eyes._

_He remembered the accident now, and he remembered how angry he had been with himself. He wanted to tell Tyler he was sorry, or something, but realized he would have all the time in the world when he woke up to tell him. For now, he would sleep._

 

_The next time he woke up, he really wished he hadn't. His head didn't hurt nearly as bad, but what was making him so upset was what he was hearing._

_"Mom, I can't stay- I know, he's my soulmate... but you and I both know this will never work. This is all my fault. He almost died because of me. He can't wait, and I can't do anything to- Yes I know mom. I need an education, and if I keep doing this to him it's only gonna hurt him- Mom, I'm not you, okay?- Would you just listen please. You know it'll never work, and that's okay.- Thank you.- No, I'm just gonna say goodbye and then I'm probably gonna need sometime to myself.- I know mom. I love him I really do, but I can't hurt him again. He almost died.- Bye."_

_It sounded like half of a conversation, and when he opened his eyes he saw Tyler putting his phone in his pocket, with eyes full of tears. "Ty?" Josh managed to whisper, he still seemed to have no energy, and talking was difficult, but it was obvious Tyler heard him from the way his head snapped up, meeting Josh's eyes then quickly dropping to stare at the floor._

_"Uh, hey J. Feelin' any better?" Tyler was scratching the back of his neck and rocking back and forth on his feet. It reminded him of every movie ever where someone was about to break up with someone else. "It wasn't your fault." Josh was still only able to whisper, and it was infuriating because he just wanted to scream at Tyler, scream at him not to leave him, but he couldn't. Now the tears were falling down Tyler's face, and he was doing nothing to try and hide it, "It was, and I'm so sorry J. I'm so so sorry. I can't- I just, I'm not ready, and you deserve better, and I'm just- goodbye Josh." "No. nonono. Okay, look, just wait till I'm better and I can explain, just-" "No Josh. I'm sorry. I love you, I really do, which is crazy because we've known each other for like a week, but I do. And I'm sorry that you got stuck with me as your soulmate, and I'm sorry that this isn't another universe where we could be happy together, and everything would be great, and I'm sorry. You'll move on one day, I promise, and you'll find someone else that will make you so much happier, I just can't be that per-" "No one can make me happier than my soulmate Ty. I can wait, I will wait, just- everything's fine ok? I was angry at myself, not you... I was angry for letting you go. I was angry for getting angry. You make me happy."_

_Tyler slowly walked towards Josh on the bed, and Josh began to let himself fill with hope, hope that Tyler would listen, hope that he wouldn't run just because he was scared, hope that things would be okay. He was openly sending it to Tyler too, unknowingly, but it was still going through the line, and Tyler let out a loud sob when it hit him, but he kept walking. He slowly bent down and pressed his lips to Josh's. There was no heat behind it; it was full of love and tenderness, but also goodbyes. Then Tyler stood up, wiped his eyes, and turned and walked out of the room._

 

Josh had seen Tyler since then, obviously- they go to school together, but Tyler never looked at him, never spoke to him, and never even acknowledged his presence. He made requests to his teachers to keep him and Josh apart, and no matter how many times Josh reached out to him through their still linked bond, well, he never responded. 

It had been radio silence on the other side of the line since that day. He never got Tyler's emotions, never received any thoughts. Nothing. Josh assumed Tyler was much better at controlling the bond than he was, because he would find himself unknowingly sending things, like when he got extremely happy, or angry, he would realize that they would get sent through the bond by that unmistakeable tug in his gut, telling him, like a muscle, it wasn't used frequently enough. 

He had been worried that maybe they were losing their connection, and that maybe they truly were done forever; that there was no hope left. Tyler's wave of emotions, well, they just proved him wrong. The bond was still there, they were still connected. It was dusty, and felt foreign, like walking back into an old childhood room after years of living on your own, but it was still there. 

He jumped up off of his drumming stool and punched the air in victory, then abruptly registered what was coiling in his gut. There was fear, and anxiety, loads of regret, and, and, something else. Despair, maybe?

He quickly plopped back down on his stool and threw his head in his hands. Whatever Tyler was going through was  _bad_. Ty was just too good at controlling the bond for him to slip up over something that he could manage not to. Josh sat there, contemplating whether or not to say something, to reach out and see if Tyler was okay. Surely, if Tyler was in any form of trouble he would accept whatever help was offered his way. 

Before he could make up his mind, the emotions flashed to confusion, then swiftly turned to- to- joy? Happiness? He didn't know. He had never felt anything like that emotion before, it was strong and powerful. It was what he would imagine the slaves felt when they were freed, or someone who was wrongly sentenced to jail felt when they were let go. 

He decided that he would reach out, maybe test the waters, just to check to see if Ty was okay. There were no selfish motivations at all! Of course not! It was just one soulmate reaching out to another, to see if they were okay. Like old friends meeting up in a coffee shop and asking how life has been treating them. 

He took a deep breath, closed his eyes, and concentrated. It was harder now than he had remembered; maybe it truly was growing weaker, just as the memories of their short time grew farther away. Josh decided this was it. If Tyler responded, there was hope. If Tyler responded, then maybe Josh truly had a chance of pulling himself out of the deep pit of depression and despair he had thrown himself into. Maybe, just maybe...

**_Hey Ty... Everything okay?_ **

-

Tyler was ecstatic. He and his mother were hugging in the middle of their living room, laughing, crying, reveling in the feeling of being on their own. They didn't have a single worry in the world.  _Everything would be okay._ He knew there wasn't gonna be much change, financially. In fact, there would most likely be an improvement. His father had never held a steady job, just drank away the money his mom would make from her private school principle position. Life was about to get a helluva a lot better. 

Then, like being punched in the gut, a familiar voice found it's way back into his head. It felt nervous, and almost unsure of itself, like it was putting everything on the line. After months of not hearing from him, he heard Josh.

**_Hey Ty... Everything okay?_ **

Tyler felt like he could cry. It had been a little over 3 months since Josh had tried to reach out to him, and while he would swear up and down he had moved on, he really, truly hadn't. He realized with a jolt that their was a sharp pain in his gut, which meant he had probably re-opened his side of the connection. Broken down the dam he had built up around it, and, on instinct, he went to shut it off. But then he realized... He doesn't  _have_ to. 

It was okay to be himself now, at least, it was okay to be honest about it. There was no reason to try and hide anymore, because his father was gone. gonegonegone. He could talk to Josh. Beg for forgiveness, ask to just talk at the very least- but- but why would he? Josh had no reason to forgive him, no reason to hear him out, no reason to do anything but slam the door in his face. 

If he was gonna make this work, if he was gonna have any fighting chance left, it was gonna be by catching Josh off guard.

Tyler pulled himself out of his mother's tight embrace, and gave her a shy smile. "I'm sorry mom. I- I think I have someone I need to go apologize to." She laughed, looking the happiest she had in a long time, and squeezed his arm, "Your damn right you do." Tyler laughed along with her, before jogging out of his living room and scooping up his keys as he made his way through the door. 

As he sat in the car in his driveway, waiting for it to warm up, he realized the pain was still in his stomach. Like a sore muscle after being over used. Similarly to how he was just showing up to Josh's house, completely unannounced, he was going to have to give him no warning mentally either. If he had any chance of getting to the front door, Tyler was gonna have to rebuild his dam. 

That dam built itself up a lot easier than he had expected. Sadly, blocking himself off was now much easier than opening up. He shook his head, clearing it before he started to back out of his driveway. He needed to stay in check, and remember what happened the last time one of them got into a car hopped up on emotions. 

 

Thankfully, he made it to Josh's house safe and sound, and when he pulled into the driveway, he saw only one car was home; Josh's.  _Well, better to fight in a house alone than in a house filled with parents and siblings_.

He shut off the car, took a deep breath, then another, and another, and then nearly turned the car back on and left, too scared of rejection to actually emerge from the car. From some unknown force, he managed to open the door. Slowly, he made his way out of the car and up the front walk, second-guessing every step, and ready to activate his 'flight' response if necessary.

He raised his fist to the door, getting ready to knock, bracing himself for the door to open, and then shut again straight in his face when it swung open. Tyler's mouth dropped, and he gazed at the face looking back at him.

"I watched you pull in. Wanted to see if you would actually get out of the car." The words sounded harsh, but Josh had a great big smile on his face, and Tyler could tell he was just putting up a defensive front.  _Probably scared I'm gonna hurt him again_. 

Tyler just stood there, his mouth hanging open, as he thought of the hundreds of reasons why he wasn't worth Josh's time.

 

_Tyler couldn't sleep. Well, that wasn't the whole truth. Josh couldn't sleep, and therefore Tyler couldn't sleep, but even if Josh was able to, Tyler_ _wouldn't be. Tyler couldn't sleep himself because he was heart broken. It felt like a part of his soul had been physically ripped from his heart. A part of his soul that was necessary to live. A part that now was gone, he couldn't think, couldn't breathe, couldn't sleep, eat, function, or basically be a human anymore._

_He missed Josh with every fiber of his being. It was May now, and the pain was just as relevant, just as unrelenting, and just as unforgiving. Tyler had inserted himself completely into basketball, for a little while, but he found that the nothingness of the game, reflected the nothingness he was feeling inside. He had nothing left without Josh. Jenna was off being happy with Hayley, and was even pretty pissed with him because she saw how it was killing the two of them. She saw that if Tyler didn't just man up and apologize soon, neither of them would last 5 years, at best. She saw all of this, told the two of them, and yet, they remained separate._

_So when Tyler says he's lost everything, it's literally. A purpose? Gone. The love of his life? Gone. His love for anything? Gone. All of his friends? Gone (but to be fair, he pushed all of them away). A will to live? Gone. He was empty. A shell of the person he had once been, because he had left his soulmate, and with him, everything that was_ necessary _to be a person._

_Now, does he regret leaving Josh? Never. He never would, because he would never be okay with going back to Josh. Not while he would be hurting him. Not while he couldn't give Josh himself fully. Not while he couldn't scream from the rooftops that Josh was all his. He could also never ask Josh to wait for him. Could never be that selfish to ask of him so much, even though Josh had offered hundreds of times on sleepless nights just like these._

_He felt all of the pain that Josh was feeling, mainly because Josh couldn't hold anything back for his life, but also because Tyler was feeling all of the same things on his own._ _He couldn't sleep. It was impossible. He couldn't eat. He just threw everything up, but he was never hungry anyways. He had lost a scary amount of weight in the few months since he last spoke to Josh. All of his bones were protruding, the bags under his eyes were as dark and prominent as ever. He felt like a zombie, and didn't look much better than death either. He saw himself the other day in a mirror (which he now tried to avoid at all costs) and didn't even recognize the face staring back at him. The eyes looked like bottomless voids, killing all life that dared to go near it._

_Currently, he couldn't sleep because of his pain, and Josh's. He could here the gut-wrenching sobs that Josh was letting out, even over his own. The pain was too unbearable._ Living _was too unbearable. He didn't know if Josh knew whether or not he was sending everything across, but he really wished he would stop. Yet, he also didn't want it to; he deserved double the pain, double the suffering, double the hell... but if there's one thing Tyler knew, it's that this, putting Josh through pain now, was killing him, but saving Josh, in the long run at least._

_He felt his presence before he heard him. A quiet, desperate voice, filled with so much pleading it made whatever was left of Tyler crumble._

_**Please Ty. Just- Just come back to me. Please.** _

_Tyler sobbed and sobbed, through the whole night. His body felt like it was aching and being ripped apart. Josh fell asleep soon after he reached out to Tyler. Too tired to stay awake he supposed, but Tyler was haunted by Josh's voice. It filled his mind like a taunt. He couldn't stop thinking about the countless nights before this one, where things were just as bad, and prayed to whatever God there may be that things would get better, that maybe, just maybe, it would hurt a little less eventually._

 

Tyler could barely look at Josh. The memory had overtaken him. He didn't know how long he had stood there at Josh's front door while he plunged back into the memory, but clearly it didn't matter.

He felt the same soreness in his gut that told him he had re-opened the bond, and he wondered when he lost all control over it. Perhaps it was when he became so desperate for Josh's understanding, for his forgiveness, that nothing seemed to matter anymore. 

He felt the tears streaming down his face, and could hear the whimpers occasionally falling from his lips, but he made no move to stop them from coming. He had broken the dam, and a lot was gonna come falling through, but mostly, he was done hiding himself from Josh.

He finally raised his eyes to Josh's, and saw him in the same disarray. Tears cascading across his cheeks, as he stared helplessly at Tyler. He looked unsure of whether or not he should speak, whether he should touch Tyler, or speak of the memory Tyler just showed him. He stood there in slight shock, and Tyler could feel all of the emotions swirling about inside of Josh.

"That night was one of the worst. I'm so sorry J, I- I really, truly am. I know that I hurt you, and I know that I have no right to be asking for you to forgive me because I- I- I- what I did was unforgivable and I just, I needed you to know I'm sorry, and I love you, and- God I love you so much. I never stopped loving you, and I heard you, I heard you and felt you every single time and I wanted to say something, to tell you I loved you but I had to let you move on and- and-" Tyler was finding it difficult to speak through his sobs, as they kept cutting him off, but thankfully, this time, Josh was the one to cut him off.

"Then why now. Why after over a  _year_ are you telling me you love me. I was just getting better Ty, why now?"

Tyler stood dumbfounded. He was right. Josh was getting better, he had felt it, he could _see_ it. Josh no longer looked like a shell of a man. He was no were near as built as he had been before, and he still looked exhausted and drained out of his mind, but he looked a helluva lot better than Tyler did. Tyler was still the epitome of death. Josh was doing what Tyler had wanted for him all along, to move on, and here he was breaking him apart again. What right did he have? Even though Tyler was still just as broken as before, even though the pain never lessened for Tyler, even though he could now scream from the rooftops that Josh was his because his God forsaken father was  _gone_ , he had no right to pile it all back on Josh.

"I- Your right J. I'm sorry. I'll go." Tyler turned to walk away, turned to leave his soulmate, but this time, because his soulmate wanted him to. 

For the second time that day, Tyler was tugged back by his arm, yet the first time, he had turned around full of fear, and this time he was turning around full of hope. 

Josh and Tyler stood there for a moment, both lost in each other's eyes; Josh's, which held a fire, burning of hope, and fear, and love, but all nervous that this moment would slip from his grasp, and Tyler's, finally filling with light after such a long time of being cold; filling with Josh, and love, and hope, and the dire need to explain and to be understood.

Tyler was too nervous to move. All of this, whatever happened, would be up to Josh. If he forgave him, it was up to Josh. If he gave him time to explain, it was up to Josh. If Josh never even trusted Tyler again, never spoke to him again, never even acknowledged his presence, Tyler would be okay with it, because everything was up to Josh. Whatever he wanted would go.

They stood there for a moment longer before Josh was pulling Tyler by his arm into his home and shutting the door, then pushing Tyler against it. Josh smashed his lips against Tyler's, and pressed against him so every inch of each other was touching. Josh's lips were moving with such a desperate fervor, filled with passion. Tyler was desperately racing after him, trying to keep up as what he had been imagining over and over and over was happening. Their lips barely left each others, and both nearly forgot to breathe until Josh pulled back and buried his head into Tyler's neck. Pulling him into the tightest embrace possible, as though he was trying to mash their bodies into one. 

**_I need you to explain. I- I need-_ **

**I know J. That's all I want to do.**


	9. Historia

"I'm assuming you remember why I said that we wouldn't work right?" Tyler looked over to Josh as he minutely nodded his head in confirmation. "Ok, well, I uh- I don't really know if you fully understand the extent of control that my father had over me, but it was alot." "Had?" Josh was looking at him quizzically, waiting for elaboration, but Tyler ignored him. If he was going to tell this story, he was gonna do it right and start at the beginning. He and Josh hadn't really said anything since Josh said he needed to understand; they had just walked over to the living room couch and sat at opposite ends, staring at each other.

Tyler had decided that he wasn't gonna hide anything from Josh, but there was also no reason to linger on horrible memories when it wasn't necessary. He would tell his soulmate what was necessary and answer whatever questions Josh had, and if Josh choose to forgive him, well, Tyler would be one lucky man.

Tyler looked down into his lap, and started with his story, "It started when I was about 10 years old, a little after my youngest brother Jay was born. I started to realize that, unlike all the other boys I was friends with, I didn't find girls attractive in anyway, but boys? They were amazing and cute and perfect. I was so young then, and still so naive that I didn't see anything wrong with it. I started figuring all of this out at probably the worst time possible, because my father had just gotten fired from his long time job and was starting to drink pretty heavily."

"Our house had always been one that was loving, and safe, and all-around perfect until my father got fired. He became so angry, and the booze did nothing but amplify his anger a million times. I still don't really remember the first time he hit me, mainly because I passed out, but I know it was because I had made a comment that some boy I saw was cute."

Tyler took a deep breath, preparing to relive a memory he hadn't in a long time, "My father turned on me so fast, with fire burning in his eyes. I was so confused because I didn't understand what had made him so angry. I mean- we had always been devout members our church, but in our Sunday School classes and things, acceptance was starting to be taught to us, especially now that soulmates were becoming more and more prevalent, and they always told us that if you can find someone you love and can be happy with that that was all that mattered."

"Anyways, he turned around, looking more angry than I had ever seen him and he practically dragged me back into the house and threw me on the floor. He started screaming about how it was a sin and wrong and all these things; I don't really remember exactly what he said, mainly because I was being kicked in the gut as he was spewing his venom. Eventually, I guess I passed out from the pain, or the shock, I don't really know, but I woke up in my bed, and my mom was holding a bag of peas on my stomach, trying to soothe me and stop my crying."

"The next day, my stomach was covered in bruises, and things like that kept happening, over and over and over, but I learned to hide my bruises, and I really thought that I was deserving of all of them because I was doing something wrong and I needed to be punished. That's what he kept telling me, and I believed it because I was just a kid, and you believe what your father tells you."

Tyler braved a look at Josh, and really wished he hadn't. He hated being pitied, and Josh's facial expressions where not necessarily filled with pity, but more so sadness and anger. Tyler suddenly started to get anxious, realizing he was baring his whole life story; laying it out on a platter for Josh to take and do what he wants with it. No one, not even Jenna, knew about these things he was telling him, and, well, if he wanted Josh to trust him again, he was gonna have to instill all of his trust in him too. 

"So uh- I began trying to do anything I could to please him, and just never do anything wrong, but that's an impossible task for a 10 year old, and he would think even the most innocent of things were me 'indulging in sin.' I couldn't have any of my guy friends over, because he thought I would just start being gay or something, so Jenna quickly became my best, and only friend."

"When the beginning of the school year came around, still when I was ten, my father decided that I needed to do a sport, because I needed to prove myself as a man, and not a fag. I wasn't allowed to go to my music lessons anymore, I couldn't draw, or sing, or do anything that I used to. Everything became about Basketball, and making myself the best player possible."

"When I was clearly the best player on the team, it wasn't enough for my father, and he decided that I had to start shooting 500 baskets every night otherwise he wouldn't let my mom give me any food. She didn't try to stick up for me, even though she really wanted to, but we both learned quickly that if she tried to defend me, she would get hurt too, and I couldn't live with myself if I caused my mom pain."

"Anyway, high school roles around, and he decides that I'm still not enough of a man or whatever, and I think he was probably starting to question me. So now I had to become the epitome of a jock. I had to have a girlfriend, and go to parties, and say I was hooking up with girls or whatever just to appease him. In reality, all of my girlfriends just became sort of friends, but I could never bring myself to kiss them cause I knew I would just be leading them on even more, and that wasn't fair."

"Now, I know that not everyone dates in high school because of the whole soulmate thing, but my father was insistent on me not registering. He had beaten me harder than he ever had when I had asked the summer before registration. He came from a super religious home, and to him and his family, registering was blasphemy, especially since it was possible to have a same-sex soulmate."

He didn't know when it had happened, but somehow, he was now sitting right in front of Josh on the couch, their fingers intertwined, as Josh looked like he was fighting (and losing) to hold back tears.

"But uh- senior year rolled around and I decided to register anyways, because I couldn't fathom living my life with someone other than who I was meant to be with. I hid it all from my parents, that whole week that we dated," Tyler snorts at this point, because hearing it come from his own lips, that they were only truly together for such a short period of time sounded so absurd to him. "but uh- after you got in your accident I decided that I would rather live the rest of my life alone than keep putting you through pain."

"You weren't Ty. I was angry wi-"

"J if I'm gonna get through this, I just- I need you to listen okay?" Josh nodded, but looked like he wanted to fight back.

"So uh- yeah, I couldn't give you what you want because my father had too much of a hold on me. If he found out I had a  _soulmate_ and it was  _a man_ , he would have killed me, and probably my mom for ever bringing me into the world. He also could have hurt you, and I could never let that happen, so I left. I didn't have any choice J, you have to understand that. I never stopped loving you, and I wanted nothing else but to come running back, but I couldn't. I'm not worthy of you Josh I swear to god. Your too pure and too kind and you deserve someone so much better and-"

Josh was abruptly shoving his lips onto Tyler's, and pulling away all too quick in his opinion.

**_Don't say that. You are perfect for me okay?_ **

Tyler didn't respond, just continued on, "I put you through so much pain, and I'm so sorry. I could feel it all the time, and I don't know if you knew you were connected through the bond to me, and I doubt you even had much control over it...but I felt you every single night and I heard you every single time and I am so sorry."

"I could feel you getting better though, and that was what put everything into perspective; what made all of it worth it. I could feel you hurting less and less, and I could see in school that you were looking healthier, and I would have Hayley and Jenna tell me how you were doing. I needed to let you move on from me because I couldn't give you the open relationship that you wanted, and you did."

"So, I kinda still don't know what made me decide to come out to my father-"

"You fucking what?!"

Tyler lurched back at Josh's outburst. He was a little shocked that Josh hadn't assumed that this was were his story was going. How could he not tell what Tyler had done when he had accidentally opened the link? Josh was just sitting there with his mouth hanging open.

"I- I- Yeah, I came out to my father. My mom already knew, she found out last year when you got into that accident and she was actually super supportive, and even said she had something to tell me when I was older, whatever that means, but...yeah." He braved another look at Josh; he mirrored the proud mama bird face his mom had had on earlier, but after a few seconds, Tyler watched as his face became etched with lines of worry.

"Uh, Ty? How did- I mean- Did he? Did he  _hit_ you?"

Tyler shook his head. "No, there's uh, there's still more. So basically I had just gotten home from college for my Thanksgiving Break, and uh, my father, well he started talking about something that was going on on the news. Something about a hate crime, and he said some pretty awful things about gay people, and it sorta just tipped me over the edge, and so I think that it was a mixture of that, and the fact that I missed you so dam much, and I was so finished with not being able to see you because, uh, the pain, it hasn't stopped for me Josh. It never did. Not from the moment I kissed you goodbye, to now. It still hurts so freaking bad because I know that I hurt you, and it kills me that I put you through that, and I am terrified that you're never gonna trust me, or forgive me, or want anything to do with me and I will have to accept it, whatever you choose because I hurt you, and I can never fix what I did. Not fully."

"You have fixed it Ty. You came back. But uh, if you don't mind me asking, what the hell happened, like how did your father respond? Is he okay with it?" Tyler snorted at that. 

"Yeah right. No he uh, well, it's kind of hard to explain everything that happened because it all happened so quick, and I really need to start strengthening my side of the bond again, if you'll let me, so uh," Tyler scratched the back of his neck, feeling extremely awkward, like he was asking someone on a date or something. In a way, he supposes he was, because this could rekindle everything; could light the flame that had blown out ages ago.

Josh grabbed his hands and looked into his eyes, a silent ' _show me'_ that Tyler understood without any form of communication. He closed his eyes and concentrated. Hard. It was a lot harder than it had ever been, and the pain in Tyler's gut was more so than before, but he willed the memory from earlier in the day to come, and he pushed with everything he could, and tried to shove it through that door that connected him to Josh. The door that had been sealed for so long, that now seemed unbearably heavy, and, Tyler assumed, if he could see it, it would be covered in dust and cob webs filled with dead flies. 

-

Josh watched as Tyler's face screwed up in concentration, and felt as the tug returned into his stomach. It was a weird feeling, different from earlier in the day. Before, Tyler hadn't meant to send anything to him, rather they were things that accidentally slipped through the cracks, but now, it was like Tyler was opening the floodgates and letting everything fall through. Josh closed his eyes as he felt the memory encompass him.

 

_"Mom, Dad, I'm gay." Was probably not the best way to come out to your homophobic and abusive drunken father, yet that is what Tyler had done, and now he was sitting paralyzed in his families living room that he hadn't been in since August...before he left for his first year of college._

_He knew his Mom already knew, that was pretty well established over a year ago when his then boyfriend and also soulmate was hospitalized, yet they had agreed on keeping it a secret between the two of them considering Tyler still had an education he had been hoping to achieve, and he had decided he was no good for Josh. This was all besides the point. His point was that his Mom knew already, and was completely beaming at him, like a proud hen or something, but his father, well, he looked like he was close to death._

_His father had gone completely ashen, and even a little gray, and for once in his life, seemed like he was at a loss for words. Then, the moment of confusion clearly gone, he slowly rose from his residence in the worn arm chair and fixed Tyler with a pointed stare. "Son, I pray for your sake that you are playing some sick, twisted joke, because the Josephs are not gay." Tyler flinched at this; the word uttered with such hate, filth, venom; it was enough to make him want to throw up. The flinch must have been confirmation that he was speaking the truth, as his father turned a brilliant shade of red, and he thought he could see him physically restraining from throttling Tyler. "You. You disgusting piece of filth. You are no longer my son. My son; choosing this- this life of sin! Get the hell out of my house!"_

_Tyler was close to tears now, and he was desperately wishing that this was all some sick dream. When he woke up, he would be back in his college dorm, dreading having to go back home for the first time since he started his Freshmen year in college. Dreading the Thanksgiving break, but still feeling safe in the fact that he would be away from home for at least a few more hours. When he raised his eyes up to his fathers, he could tell very quickly that this was not a dream, and he had maybe five minutes to pack his bags before his father did follow through with his urge to throttle him._

_Suddenly, Tyler seemed to regain movement, and went to turn and run up the stairs so he could pack a bag or something, but he felt an arm grab his and stop him from moving. 'Oh crap, I was too fucking slow' quickly ran through his mind as he turned back around to face his parents, but he saw with a start that it was actually his mom's hand that was holding him back. He looked up to her face for the first time since his father's outburst, and was surprised to see she looked even angrier than his father._

_"Tyler is my son. If anyone's leaving, it will be you." Tyler looked at his mom in pure and utter shock. For starters he had never seen his mom so angry, and sure of herself in the presence of his father. She had also never stood up to the man, or contradicted him in anyway, not since he started drinking at least. "I have had enough of your shit. You have pushed this family around for years, and nearly drunk yourself to death 100 times. Leave and never come back; I would rather Tyler, Zach, Maddy, and Jay have no father than the sour excuse for one that you are."_

_Tyler nearly cried. He couldn't believe what he was hearing. The look of triumph on his mom's face was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. He then watched as his mom confidently strode over to the telephone that hung on the wall. She picked it up off the line, and spoke very calmly, stating "You have 30 seconds to be out that front door and never come back, or I will call the cops."_

_His father's mouth flapped up and down a few times, before he thought better of it, walking out the door, and slamming it so hard the house rattled and Tyler's ears buzzed like he had just heard a gunshot go off._

 

It was strange being in a memory from Tyler's perspective. Seeing everything through someone else's eyes, yet it also felt natural because Tyler was undoubtedly a piece of Josh, possible the most vital one. It felt like all of the air had rushed back into Josh's lungs; like he could finally breathe again after being drowned in water. He felt complete again, as the other half of his soul, and the connection to it, was placed back inside him. He had gone so long with only half of himself, it felt amazing to finally fill the missing piece. He looked across the couch to Tyler, and saw his shoulders violently shaking, and tears streaming out of his eyes that were squeezed shut.

Josh could feel the fear that was coiling deep in Tyler's stomach. Actually, he could feel everything from Tyler. It was comforting, after so long without him, to feel his presence inside his soul once more, but what wasn't comforting was all the inner turmoil Tyler was going through.

He could practically hear his thoughts from the other side of the couch, and Josh didn't know how, because it hadn't been like this before, but he knew exactly what Tyler's fear was of. He was afraid of rejection, he was afraid Josh would never trust him again, he was afraid of bearing his soul the way he just had, and he was terrified of himself, of him causing Josh any more pain. Josh didn't know what to say to try and quell all of those fears, or if there was anything to be said. He was finding himself rather lost when it came to the realm of Tyler, yet completely at home at the same time.

It was like everything was the same, and Josh felt more connected to Tyler than ever before, most likely because Tyler was fully letting him in for the first time ever, but at the same time like he didn't want to step on the wrong piece of ice and watch everything around him crack and break. He kept reminding himself that he was holding the entire universe in his hands, and that this universe, that meant everything to Josh, would try and try to put up defensive fronts, but was more fragile than anything imaginable. 

He took a hard look at Tyler; the first one he truly had since seeing him again. He looked at him physically, and saw protruding bones, and sunken eyes. He looked deeper and saw a tiredness that seemed to envelope him, and a pain and sadness that was radiating in waves. It was frightening, to see someone he loved, even after all this time, so much in such a state of disarray and general pain. He looked sick, like he was diagnosed with cancer or something, and that was the other thing Josh noticed. Tyler's head was shaved. That little fluff of hair that he had loved so much, that he would run his fingers through absentmindedly was gone. 

Josh kept staring at Tyler, scared that seeing him in front of him was all dream and would dissipate once disturbed, yet also afraid that if he didn't act quick he would spontaneously combust.

He reached up both of his hands, and gently held Tyler's face. He seemed to sink into his palms, relishing in the feeling of another human's warmth. Josh slid his thumbs back and forth over Tyler's cheekbones, wiping away the tears, and trying to provide any kind of comfort possible. Slowly, Tyler's eyes opened, and stared into Josh's eyes with such trust and love it was like nothing had ever changed. Josh simply pulled Tyler over to him, rested his head on his chest, and ran his hand over his shaven head. 

Josh realized quickly that Tyler had fallen asleep almost instantly, as if the monsters inside of his mind were quelled by his heartbeat. With that thought, Josh's face broke into a huge, dopey grin. Josh was gonna keep this treasure in his arms safe forever, and show him that there was nothing he could do to push Josh away or make him not trust or love him.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well this is nowhere near where I had imagined this story would go when I first started writing it, but oh well. Lemme know what you guys think.


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